What the sandwich you throw at police says about you

Scott Stein,

PB&J: Tariffs hit you hard. And now you need to ask the officer if you can have the sandwich back because it’s your only food for the next two days.

Chick Fil A: You thought the cop was a member of The Village People

Vegan Grilled Cheese: You refuse to let lactose intolerance prevent you from standing up for democracy

BLT: You don’t care if your rabbi sees you protesting Israel

Monte Cristo: You’ve given up all hope for a future; the police state can’t do anything to you that you aren’t already doing to your arteries

Egg McMuffin: You only protest before 11:00 AM

Tongue on Rye Bread: You don’t care what anyone thinks about you

Sloppy Joe: You are a masochist hoping to get a thorough beating

Hot Dog: You don’t know what a sandwich is.

French Dip: You still remember “freedom fries”

Egg Salad: You have recently come into a substantial inheritance

Cheese Steak: You are at the top of a lamppost yelling “Go Birds!”

Pulled Pork: You threw it by accident; you actually meant to hand the sandwich to the officer to thank him for harassing the scary brown people

Scott Stein

Scott Stein's most recent novels are The Great American Deception, which received a starred review from Publishers Weekly, and The Great American Betrayal, which Vulture.com named one of "The Best Comedy Books of 2022." His older novels are Lost and Mean Martin Manning and his short satire and fiction have been published in The Oxford University Press Humor Reader, McSweeney's,The G.W. Review, Points in Case, Liberty, National Review, and Art Times. He is a professor of English at Drexel University. His author site is scottsteinonline.com and you can find him on Bluesky at sstein.bsky.social.
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