Bros want control, responsibility–let’s make some abortion laws to help ‘em
Yeearghh! The many bros, dudes, bruhs, he-men, and tough guys, wanna-be or otherwise, cast their votes and got what they wanted. They wanted to take back control and responsibility. Well, sound the trumpet–unless that’s not manly enough and then use a ripping guitar power chord–and let’s, to pull a common quote from their favorite movies, do this thing!
One of many issues bros and tough guys are ticked about is the audacity of women about this abortion issue. Bros want say. Things have been getting rough in many states for women seeking abortions, and they appear to be getting worse, and we need to put in place some laws to get men in the responsibility and accountability game–just like they want.
Many women who don’t have access to appropriate ob/gyn care because their caregivers are scared of oppressive or even ambiguous state laws are becoming very sick, some are unable to have children because of their complications, and some are dying. Rough stuff. (Read this eye-opening Atlantic piece “What Abortion Bans Do to Doctors.”)
I admit, as a dude myself, I’ve never been pregnant, but I understand even in the best circumstances it’s pretty tough on the body, and it’s time-consuming and expensive. So let’s figure out a way to even things up fully to get men in on the responsibilities that come with pregnancy in states that are restricting access not just to abortions but, inevitably, to ob/gyn care. We need laws! (I tried to think of catchy names but am open to suggestions.)
DNA: You Can Run, but Your Sperm Can’t Hide. The cornerstone of this legal framework is based on the simple DNA testing that’s available, so we can easily link a father to a child-to-be. We’ve got the science, so we can make an easy genetic link to develop the rest of the important responsibility sharing.
Show Her the Money. Some state laws are making it prohibitively expensive to get ob/gyn care. This law can be based on a simple financial equation to make sure the boys, the breadwinners, are in the game.
Time in a Body. If a draconian state abortion law renders an otherwise healthy woman sick or disabled, this law makes sure her man will be there. The government will support both of them on disability until everybody’s up and at ’em–no matter how long it takes.
Vampire Rule. Let’s get into the details (apologies, they can be a little messy with this darn abortion thing), starting with the Vampire Law. When women don’t get proper care, it can be, well, a bloody mess. Women across the U.S. are losing a lot of blood because of abortion restriction laws, so dudes who want to go punch-for-punch now must go pint-for-pint: Yep, they give a pint for every pint the pregnant woman loses.
Gut Punch. Speaking of punching… my understanding is that women who cannot get proper health care for their pregnancies go through considerable physical pain. Bros should be compelled to join in that pain and suffering. This could go two ways. One is a punching robot that uses AI to deliver a precisely calibrated punch in the gut in accordance with the woman’s pain–think Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots. If robots seem too weirdly futuristic, real people could volunteer. As part of my patriotic duty, I’ll step up as a gut puncher.
Walk a Mile in My Shoes. With the uncertainty of these laws, women are having to drive, take trains, or, in emergency cases, be airlifted out of their state to one where they safely have an abortion–even to save their lives! To show solidarity, men will have to walk that distance. Maybe they could even be rigged up to treadmills to contribute to the power grid.
Bros got their people in charge, now of course, they must want a cut of duties and responsibilities: C’mon, they wouldn’t want it any other way.
