When you go through old school picture day photos, memories return, even if you can’t for the life of you remember who half those people were–or even sometimes have trouble finding yourself.

What tales they tell.

In the fall, on his way home from practice on a rainy day, my high school junior Zachary skidded out on his bike. His face was the first thing to hit the asphalt.

One of our town angels gathered him and the bike up–thank you, James!–and brought him home. He was all banged up. I can at times embrace the aw-rub-some-dirt-in-it mentality, but when we got him into the upstairs bathroom and looked over the damage, we realized this thing might not heal properly. A scar isn’t the worst of things, but it’s different if it’s a result of parental negligence.

Taking him to Urgent Care was the right call, because he ended up getting eight stitches.

He was fine, though, playing in the soccer season opener two days later and even taking a ball right in the face–he had to convince the ref he was doubled over not because he was concussed but because he just had his face sewn together.

But the week of the accident was also the week of school picture time. The heck with it, we said: We sent him. And we got this:

Uh… yah. 950, 951, 952–some story. So what is the tale being told here?:

• “They told me I could fight my way to the front of the picture line… so I listened. Oh, I was the last kid photographed.”
• “A face only a mother could love–and even then only that one side of it.”
• “I told you to shoot my good side!”
• “I’m literally the poster child for bike helmets!'”
• “Nothing to see here.”
• “When you have a school photo like this, the message is clear: My parents don’t love me.”
• “Hasn’t anyone ever heard of Photoshop?”
• “Didn’t the pandemic prevent stuff like this?”
• “So this kid walks into a bar… face first.”
• “Dang it, I am smiling! You try smiling with this contusion on your countenance!”
• “Once upon a time… I learned that the street is way harder than my face.”
• “Sure I have a girlfriend! She just lives kind of far away–uh, in Canada, in, uh western Canada. That’s why you never see her.”
• And, of course, “You should see the other guy.”

Tags: virtual children by Scott Warnock by Scott Warnock
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