10. Women fake orgasms to have relationships, and men fake relationships to have orgasms.
9. My grandma told me that, when she was younger, she had to beat men off with a stick – so I guess sex was pretty kinky back then.
8. I’ve never gone to bed with an ugly woman, but I’ve woken up with a few.
7. I’ve just bought myself a sex doll, but I’m not going to use it for a couple days, because I don’t want to seem desperate.
6. Have you ever heard your neighbors having sex and thought to yourself, “Man, if they knew I was under their bed…”?
5. My wife was shocked when she found out I’d switched her vibrator with a taser.
4. My lesbian neighbors gave me a Rolex for my birthday, so I guess they misunderstood me when I said, “I wanna watch.”
3. My wife laughed at me when I slipped on a banana peel but, in my defense, I was completely out of condoms.
2. Some people say the guy in my apartment complex who keeps having sex with fruit isn’t so weird, but I think he’s fucking bananas!
1. I organized a threesome last night and, despite a couple no-shows, I still had a great time.
Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.
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