Those hazy, crazy, something days of summer are here and the heat must be getting to those Gilmore Girls because things got cray in this episode.

Recap

Despite trying to convince the residents of Stars Hollow that she’s only home temporarily, we all know that Rory is, indeed, “back” and is signaling her commitment to letting her life go down the toilet via her wardrobe. Out go the lucky red dresses and jaunty circle skirts that attract men in Wookie costumes like moths to flames, in come the leggings and oversized tee shirts. She’s basically becoming Lane. Sad, sad Lane. Rory is bored out of her mind because no one clued her in to the fact that freelance journalists can, you know, work from wherever, so takes on the sad task of reviving the Stars Hollow Gazette. How sad is this endeavor? It’s Lane Sad, that’s how sad it is. It’s so sad that Rory has to enlist her MOTHER to help her deliver the papers around town. I mean, honestly, how big can Stars Hollow be, really? How exhausted can you be, really? You were just on the phone with Logan saying that you were bored, Rory. Then Jess finally shows up like the deux ex machina at the end of the opera, prompting Rory to finally see how very Lane Sad she’s become. He pulls his best Dr. Behr and tells Jo to just write what she knows, already. Oh, Jess. We can always count on you to slap Rory upside the head. Also, Rory is also becoming increasingly worried about Emily’s depression and gets no support from Lorelai on that. Lorelai really is like a child sometimes.

Speaking of Lorelai, another person, this time Michel, is abandoning her because she perpetually lives in the past and time is only capable of moving forward. Are you seeing a pattern here? Well can you call up Lorelai and inform her of it? Cause she’s lost. Lorelai and Michel have a drink at the Stars Hollow secret bar where he tells her that he’s outgrown the Dragonfly. He loves the Dragonfly and doesn’t want to leave but he’s ready to take on more responsibility. Lorelai won’t expand the business so Michel has to go. It’s like Daniel Palladino taped my last meeting with my boss.

The episode comes to a dramatic climax when the Ladies Gilmore meet at the cemetery to view Richard’s tombstone. They are accompanied by Jack, an old friend of Emily and Richard, whose non-threatening presence causes Lorelai to jump to wild conclusions and panic and act like a child. What’s so wrong with Jack? Jack seems like good people. He drove them to the cemetery and waited in the car out of respect. That’s very gentlemanly. I like Jack. Lorelai should be so lucky as to have Jack as a stepfather. But that’s not the point of Jack. Jack is merely a plot device to cause Lorelai and Emily to snipe at each other over Luke and Lorelai’s sham relationship, putting Lorelai in a pissy mood which causes her to completely LOSE her SHIT over Rory’s plan to move out and write a book about their relationship. For more on that, see Shenanigans, because I’m calling shenanigans all over Lorelai this episode.

Before we get to the Observations/Questions/Shenanigans part of this recap, we HAVE to talk about Stars Hollow: The Musical. Holy crap, guys, I almost died. How good was this scene? This musical gave me life. It advanced the plot not even an inch and had nothing to do with anything but I didn’t care. It may be the single best thing Gilmore Girls has ever done. I never wanted it to end. And it brought us the long-awaited reunion of Sutton Foster and Christian Bohrle, reenacting what I presume the last six months of their marriage looked like. And can you imagine how much fun the Sherman-Palladino’s had while writing this? It’s encouraged me to finally finish the musical my husband and I have been writing for the past four years: Harlem Shakes, A Musical about Harlem. It’s a feel-good musical with show-stopping ditties like “Every Day is Garbage Day in Harlem” and “I Dreamed a Dream,” a song about a woman in crisis because her kid just graduated top of his class at Success Academy but can’t get into high school because Success Academy never taught him to read.

Observations

-April!!!!!!!!!!!!! Noooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE APRIL.

-I got a little nervous when Carole King and Sutton Foster showed up. It’s getting cutesy, people. It’s getting self-referential. Carole King singing “I Feel the Earth Move” made me die a little inside. Too meta, Sherman-Palladino’s. You’re on notice. I do think the Doyle as Screenwriter ongoing joke is quite funny, though. That’s the kind of meta I can get behind.

-Ok, someone needs to tell me what happened to Miss Patty. Seriously.

-Christian Bohrle continues to be a national treasure.

-You know, Sandra Lee has had a rough few years. I’m glad that Luke is looking out for her.

Questions

-Wait, so Lorelai and Luke have not mingled their finances? After NINE years? There is seriously no hope for them.

-Where is Dean? And Sookie? I was promised Dean and Sookie.

-The Gazette wrote a piece about a teen mom moving to Stars Hollow? I guess it’s plausible. Small towns, man. Also, how much does it suck that Emily was looking for her daughter all those years, presumably hiring the best private detective money can buy, and all she needed to do was read a newspaper?

-Whatever happened to Mitchell Huntsberger’s offer to call Conde Nast?

Shenanigans

-I’m just going to say it: I absolutely cannot stand Lorelai. She’s THE WORST! She is being completely unreasonable about this book thing. Honestly, Lorelai seemed instantly dismissive about Rory even writing a book, as if this is some cute whim. It’s not a whim, it’s a great idea! It’s such a great idea that they wrote a whole series about it! And why? For the sole reason that she doesn’t want her mother to read the book and judge her as a parent. You’re that selfish? And WHAT is going on with this weird walkabout she’s trying? You’re going to “do Wild”? You’re 48 years old, you own a business (and have no one to run it, by the way), you have a dog, you have three relationships that are falling apart, you’re so out of shape that you can’t even get through a morning of delivering newspapers throughout a town the size of a thimble, but you’re going to drop everything and hike for 1,100 miles? Bitch, you’ve been running from your problems for thirty years. I can’t, guys. I just can’t. It’s borderline ruining the show for me. But damn it makes for good television.

One more to go. I’m nervous. Hold me.

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