10. “Excuse me, Miss. You dropped your implant.”

9. “The montage of dead actors at the Golden Globes is a good indication of who’ll still be dead tonight.”

8. “Explain to me again why Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! isn’t up for anything.”

7. “I heard Travolta’s date to this thing is Adele Dazeem!”

6. “How ironic that they’re holding the Oscars during Black History Month.”

5. “Hey, look! Charlene Theron’s arm grew back!”

4. “Damn! I had Paul Blart: Mall Cop in the Oscar pool.”

3. “I only hope I live long enough to be included in that In Memorium segment.”

2. “I love that new ‘anatomically correct’ Oscar; it’s so much easier to carry!”

1. “I really feel sorry for Stallone. First, they completely ignore his work in Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot, and now this!”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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I challenge you to a football game. Here are my rules: You have to pick eleven players from your block. I can pick anyone (including, if I like, a player on your block). Let’s go! [Read more →]

Tags: sports, virtual children by Scott Warnock by Scott Warnock
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10. I was a trampoline salesman… off and on.

9. I worked as half a horse at Disneyland, but quit while I was a head

8. I was a trapeze artist…but I was let go.

7. They wouldn’t believe that I wasn’t a thief when I was working as a school crossing guard – but all the signs were there

6. I worked in produce, which wasn’t exactly rocket salad

5. I tried being a mime…but now I can talk about it…
(Ever since my best friend became a mime, I haven’t heard from him)

3. I manufactured clown shoes…which was no small feat

2. I had to quit my job at the helium gas factory – I refuse to be spoken to in that tone!

1. I sold loose onions – until I got the sack

I’m not sure why I never got that job at Microsoft – they never answered my telegram
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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10. A sonnet mailed while we two are apart,

9. Just like the first one that I sent to you!

8. Professing all the Love within my heart,

7. And all my sadness you are out of view!

6. Not soon enough, we’ll finally reunite:

5. A blaze of glory as we become One!

4. With Heaven’s guidance, we will see the Light!

3. And gaze into a face just like the sun!

2. Some things must be believed before they’re seen,

1. As I believe in you, Beloved Maureen!
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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This week, I’m simply sharing/linking to an article I published a couple days ago in The Chronicle of Higher Education about a topic that, in many ways, underlies many of the pieces I’ve written here over the years: work-life balance.

Tags: virtual children by Scott Warnock by Scott Warnock
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New Jersey is a state that once had a governor reveal during a single press conference:

1. He was resigning.
2. Because of an affair.
3. With a man.

For most states, this would be plenty to process, but our suddenly former governor didn’t even mention that the man was about to start suing him for sexual harassment and that their falling out stemmed from that man, an Israeli poet, losing his job as the state’s homeland security adviser, a $110,000 a year position for which he had virtually no qualifications beyond the aforementioned affair with the governor.

That was the administration of Jim McGreevey.

Former presidential candidate Chris Christie wishes he could rise to this level of professionalism. Disastrous as McGreevey was as New Jersey’s governor, he still has one big edge over Christie: he occasionally spent time in New Jersey. [Read more →]

Tags: ends & odd, Mr. Sean goes to Washington, politics & government by Sean Cunningham
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10. Fast & Furious 8: Even Faster & Furiouser

9. Alvin and the Chipmunks 4: What a Load of Chip

8. Frozen 2: Another Batch of Earworms

7. Naked Gun 4: Where’s O.J.?

6. Schindler’s List 2: The Groceries

5. The Seventh Sense

4. Weekend at Bernie’s 3: What’s That Smell?

3. I Still Know What You Did the Summer Before Last

2. Star Wars 8: The Force Goes Back To Sleep Again

1. Rocky ?: Even We’ve Lost Count
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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10. “It’s so cold, your car won’t start running and your nose won’t stop.”

9. “It’s so cold, I saw an oak tree with its nuts frozen off.”

8. “It’s so cold, throwing a snowball is legally classified as ‘assult with a deadly weapon’.”

7. “It’s so cold, you leave your refrigerator door open to keep your food even colder.”

6. “It’s so cold, you found five Eskimos huddled in your family room.”

5. “It’s so cold, Grandma’s teeth aren’t chattering because they’re frozen in the glass of water next to her bed.”

4. “It’s so cold, it would be colder than Donald Trump’s heart…if he had one.”

3. “It’s so cold, airport TSA agents are putting on mittens before fondling you.”

2. “It’s so cold, you can’t tell how cold it is because the mercury in the thermometer just froze.”

1. “It’s so cold, Martin Shkreli (that scumbag who raised the price of that AIDS drug from $13.50 a tablet to $750 per tablet) has asked that he be sent to Hell earlier than scheduled.”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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