Coach or fan? Make your choice
Okay youth coaches, it’s game time. You have a choice to make: Are you a coach or are you a fan?
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Top ten ways to spend your extra hour this coming weekend
10. Listen to Frédéric Chopin’s “Minute Waltz” 60 times
9. Alphabetize the names of all of Bill Cosby’s victims
8. Watch “The Best of 2 Broke Girls” 120 times
7. Squeeze out and set aside one-inch lengths of toothpaste to save time in the coming weeks
6. Shampoo, rinse, repeat; Shampoo, rinse, repeat; Shampoo, rinse, repeat…
5. Try, again and again, to reset the clock on your VCR
4. Listen to “American Pie” and “Alice’s Restaurant” twice each
3. Share a bottle of Irish whiskey, then see who can say the phrase “Irish wristwatch” the most times in one hour
2. Make love to the wife, then take a nap for the other 55 minutes
1. Put on your Mr. Peabody mask and pretend you’re going back in time
Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.
Top ten jobs nobody wants
10. Amish air conditioner repairman
9. Mel Gibson’s image consultant
8. The guy who collects the souls of young boys and feeds them to the Koch brothers
7. Bill Cosby’s pharmacist
6. Public pool pee monitor
5. Donald Trump’s stylist
4. Apprentice crackwhore
3. Chris Christie’s lotion boy
2. Bulletproof vest tester
1. Speaker of the House of Representatives
Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.
Added to my bookshelf … “Legacy: An Anthology”
“What’s in a word,” an English teacher once asked me as I sought just the right expression for the thoughts I wished to convey in a composition assignment. The editors of “Legacy: An Anthology” have assembled an insightful, absorbing – and entertaining! – answer to that question.
[Read more →]
Open letter to South Jersey Magazine about “The Public High School Report Card”
Dear South Jersey Magazine,
On the cover of volume 12: issue 6, you trumpet that one of your stories is a “2015 Public High School Report Card.” With this letter, I ask that you reconsider how you represent public schools in your annual “Report Card” feature. [Read more →]
Top ten ways Columbus’s crew passed time on their two-month voyage
10. Playing shuffleboard on the poop deck
9. Pooping on the shuffleboard deck
8. “Knock Knock” jokes
7. Gorging themselves at the overflowing buffet tables (hardtack only)
6. Looking for mermaids
5. Making salt water taffy
4. Sextanting each other
3. Scattergories
2. Complaining about how they don’t get Columbus Day off
1. Polishing the mast
Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.
Top ten alternate titles for movies
10. A Bridge Too Far – The Chris Christie Story
9. Frozen – Songs to Drive Your Parents Bonkers
8. Avatar – Smurfs in Space
7. The Expendables – Grumpy Old Men Armed to the Dentures
6. Inception – My Brain Just Broke
5. Herbie: The Love Bug – Emission: Impossible
4. Four Weddings and a Funeral – Five Tragedies
3. Dumb and Dumber – Barbara Bush’s Boys
2. The Theory of Everything – Look Who’s Hawking
1. 2001: A Space Odessey – Keir Dullea, Gone Tomorrow
Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.
