The Emperor decrees that all those with “dear” friends must report to the Imperial dungeons

Posted on September 17th, 2013 by Chris Matarazzo

I have been declared Emperor of the World. Let us not waste time explaining why or how; let’s all simply accept the fact that we are better off, as a result; hence, my next decree:

Emperor’s Decree No. 54321: The world is a cold place, full of ticking machines and plastic surfaces. And it is teeming with acquaintances that people are calling “friendships.” This must change, for it makes the Emperor (a real teddy bear of an all-powerful monarch) sad. The Emperor will keep this simple: He has been informed by the Imperial Psychologist that if those among us who refer to their myriad acquaintances as “dear friends” are eliminated, it will exponentially increse the level of human warmth and sincere interaction among the general populace. Therefore, all those who have “dear” friends (numbering above, say, two) will report to the Imperial dungeons by Friday.

The Punishment: Those caught using the term beyond the prescribed parameters will be put — barefoot and naked — into a chilly dungeon cell with a stone statue of a smiling person for their only company. Violators may hug their marble companion as often and as intimately as they wish.

The Emperor will grace the world with a new decree each Tuesday morning.

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Chris Matarazzo

Chris Matarazzo is a writer, composer, musician and teacher of literature and writing on the college and high school levels. His music can be heard on his recent release, Hats and Rabbits, which is currently available. Chris is also the composer of the score to the off-beat independent film Surrender Dorothy and he performs in the Philadelphia area with the King Richard Band. He's also a relatively prolific novelist, even if no one seems to care yet. His blog, also called Hats and Rabbits, is nice, too, if you get a chance...