The Emperor decrees an end to back-of-the-hand-to-the-forehead social media posts
I have been declared Emperor of the World. Let us not waste time explaining why or how; let’s all simply accept the fact that we are better off, as a result; hence, my next decree:
Emperor’s Decree No. 104: Are you pathetic? Needy? Weak? Of course you are not, my good minion. So, please, dispense with tweets and posts like “Ugh — can’t take anymore” and “give me strength” and “won’t let this break me.” Perhaps posters of these posts don’t realize how desperate they sound. Instead of these thinly-veiled pleas for attention, why don’t you just post: “Please pay attention to me and give me the comfort that I am directly asking for because I’m not connected enough to my fellow humans to go through the usual channels of interraction; instead, I will broadcast my manipulative self-pity to the world in hope that some mere acquaintance might respond, in public, as if he or she deeply cares”? (Because, as everyone knows, public intimacy is way more valid than a hug in a hallway from someone who truly cares about you.)
(It is important to note here: there is a big difference between the kind of posts above and a simple, direct: “Hey, everyone. Having a hard time. Would appreciate prayers and thoughts.” The more perceptive of my minions will realize this: a sincere request for support is worlds away from a hackneyed, social-media back-of-the-hand-to-the-forehead; it is documentable.)
The Punishment: People who do this will be allowed to carry on as they are. This is punishment enough.
Now, go forth and obey.
The Emperor will grace the world with a new decree each Tuesday morning.
