I have been declared Emperor of the World. Let us not waste time explaining why or how; let’s all simply accept the fact that we are better off, as a result; hence, my next decree:
Emperor’s Decree No. 123, Stanza 5 : There shall ever be, from this point forward, “Separation of Poetry and State.” Thus far, since having established his dominion over the world, the Emperor has tolerated the quaint machinations of federal, state and local governments, because it has amused him to do so. Yesternight, however, while driving upon a highway, he glanced up and saw an electronic sign that read: DRIVE SOBER OR GET PULLED OVER. Oh, nonononono. Uh uh. It is bad enough the politicians have been masquerading, lately, as actual human beings equipped with compassion and ethics and stuff. It is bad enough when law enforcement officers make disingenuous attempts to seem as if they don’t believe they are innately superior to anyone who drives a vehicle without flashy things on top of it…but, to align themselves with the noble mappers of the human heart? — to even allude to a kinship, however remote, with the wordsmiths who shine the light of Truth into the dark places of the Universe…and, then, to rhyme words like “sober” and “over” as if such an act doesn’t spit upon the dead faces of said Shiners of Light…? Such vapid hypocrisy will not be allowed in the Empire.
The Punishment: Violators will be bound to a chair. They will be forced to endure a bored-looking procession of black-clad fifteen-year-olds. Each angsty and/or recently jilted youth will recite poems (written on jagged-edged notebook paper and illustrated with ballpoint sketches of sinister eyeballs with marvelous lashes), until the mind of the violator cracks. (The Imperial Master of Torture conjectures that this will take an average of eight minutes per violator.)
Now, go forth and obey.
The Emperor will grace the world with a new decree each Tuesday morning.
Tags: language & grammar, The Emperor decrees by Chris Matarazzo
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