Bad sports, good sports: Woman sues Cowboys for burned buttocks

Posted on August 20th, 2012 by Alan Spoll

There’s nothing that gets me riled up quite like a frivolous lawsuit. People who sue other people, businesses, and organizations for minor injuries nauseate me, especially when those injuries were really their own fault. The lawyers that take these cases are just as much at fault, and should be held accountable as well. That is not to say that there is never a valid reason to sue someone for injuries or negligence. I am sure there are plenty of those. When someone sues for something idiotic, however, I really believe that person should be subject to fines, jail time, or at least a requirement that he pay all court costs for the defendant. This week, a woman in Texas sued the Dallas Cowboys because she allegedly burned her backside on a bench outside of the team’s stadium back in 2010. Really.

The woman, Jennelle Carrillo, was at the stadium to watch the team’s annual scrimmage during training camp. The bench in question, which again was located outside of the stadium, was made of black marble, and the temperature that day was over 100 degrees, as August days in Texas tend to be. Let’s see…black marble…in the sun…in August…in Texas. Think it might be hot? Maybe it would have been a good idea to sit somewhere else before she entered the stadium for the game. At the very least, I would think she might have touched the surface to see if it was hot before planting her butt on it. Please note that this woman lives in Texas. If it did not occur to her that this bench could be extremely hot, she should be locked up somewhere where she can’t hurt herself or anyone else.

The complaint notes that there was no sign near the bench indicating that the surface could be hot. Carrillo reportedly suffered third degree burns as a result of the incident, and has had to have several skin grafts in the past couple of years. I am not suggesting that her injuries are not real or are being exaggerated, although that has occurred to me as a possibility. That is entirely beside the point, though. At some point, people need to be responsible for their own idiocy. Was it really necessary for the team to post a sign to tell this genius that she might not want to sit on this bench? Should they have also posted a sign telling her not to walk out onto the nearest freeway during rush hour? Maybe they should have put up warnings to make sure she didn’t dunk her head in the toilet for several minutes to make sure she didn’t drown herself.

I am being glib here, but I really do believe that judges should make an example of people like this. There needs to be something to prevent more of these lawsuits, and real penalties would be a good start. Maybe she should be sentenced to sit on a very hot outdoor marble bench for a few minutes in the summer in Texas. Oh wait…

Bad sports, continued:

2) Jason Witten, a very accomplished tight end for the Dallas Cowboys, has a serious spleen injury that he suffered during a preseason game on Monday night. He will miss the remainder of the preseason, but hopes to return for the opener.

3) San Francisco Giants outfielder Melky Cabrera, who has been having the best season of his career and was certainly an MVP candidate, has been suspended by Major League Baseball for a violation of the league’s policy on performance enhancing drugs. I guess that explains the career year. Cabrera and his representatives went as far as trying to set up a website for a phony product that they were going to claim caused his failed test.

4) Danica Patrick is still looking for her first win in a stock car. She has run well at times, and not so well at others. On Saturday, she was leading the Nationwide race in Montreal when she hit a shoe that a spectator had thrown onto the track. You wouldn’t think a shoe could damage a huge race car, but you would be wrong. Something clearly broke under the car, which relegated her to a 26th place finish.

5) There was lots of drama in Red Sox-land this week, as a contingent of players met with ownership to complain about manager Bobby Valentine. The meeting was precipitated by a text sent by a player to the owners after a difficult game in July. Reports originally said the text was sent by Adrian Gonzalez, but the New York Times is now attributing the text to catcher Kelly Shoppach.

6) Tyrann Mathieu, a star cornerback for the LSU Tigers who was a finalist for last year’s Heisman Trophy, was kicked off the team last week for violations of team rules. It was initially thought that he would transfer to a lower division school and continue to play. He then said he was looking to stay at LSU and focus on his studies for this year before possibly returning to the team next year. On Friday, his father announced that he would be entering a rehab program and would not be attending school this year.

7) Baseball umpires are regularly hit by foul balls and wild pitches when they are stationed behind home plate. This week, Greg Gibson found a new way to suffer pain while umpiring a game between the L.A. Angels and the Cleveland Indians, when the spikes of Torii Hunter made contact with the face of Gibson during a slide. Ouch.

8) A man had a heart attack at the Blue Jays-White Sox game in Toronto on Thursday night and died at a nearby hospital. The game was actually stopped during the seventh inning while the man was tended to in the stands by emergency workers.

Good sports:

1) Felix Hernandez, the ace of the Seattle Mariners pitching staff, showed why he is considered one of the best pitchers in the game on Wednesday, throwing the first perfect game of his career and the first in Seattle Mariners history.

Bad sports, good sports appears every Monday

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Alan Spoll

Alan Spoll is a software quality assurance director from the suburbs of Philadelphia where he lives with his wonderful wife and children. He has spent his entire life as a passionate fan of the Eagles, Phillies, Sixers, Flyers, and Penn State. Recent Phillies success aside, you will understand his natural negativity. Follow me on Twitter - @DocAlan02