The Emperor decrees that ye shall not parrot popular phrases that ye do not understand
I have become Emperor of the World. Let us not waste time in questioning how; let’s all simply accept the fact that we are better off, as a result; hence, my first decree:
Emperor’s Decree No. 1: No one is permitted, anymore, to say “I’m so over it” if they are not, indeed, “over it.” How will the Emperor’s spies know whether or not someone is indeed “over it”? Simply put, if one angrily yells “I’m so over it” and then breaks a coffee table with one’s fist, one is clearly not over it. Saying that one is “over it” should be a declaration that one is finished with “it” — done expending time and emotional energy on “it”; at peace with “it.”
The Punishment: Violators will be slapped, repeatedly, on the left cheek, by a burly, noisome man with large and calloused hands. Before each successive slap, up to slap one-thousand, the Imperial Deliverer of Slaps (“Pete”) will say, “I am so done hitting you now.” Prisoners will be released after the final clout.
Now, go forth and obey.
The Emperor shall grace the world with a new decree each Tuesday morning.
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I hear and I obey, oh mighty one! … My past life of indiscretion? … I’m so over it !
The Emperor is well-pleased with his loyal subject. In honor of Jeff, there will be a six-minute pause during the royal beatings, this week. Wait…no. Four. Four minutes. We’re full up this week.