I went into Sunday evening with the thought that, despite my apprehension about the Madonna halftime show at the Super Bowl, I would not be writing about said show as my column for this week. After all, I wrote about the same subject a mere two years back, when they dug up The Who to underwhelm us. I hate to repeat myself, but it is occasionally unavoidable. This is one of those times. What a total crapfest.

I am really curious to know who makes the decision as to who will perform each year. I am also curious as to how that person keeps his or her job. I know that the Super Bowl is an event that transcends football, and that the audience is far more varied than it would be for any other game. Even so, did someone really think Madonna would hit the sweet spot here? Apparently, women over 35 and gay men comprise far more of the viewership than I would have expected. It seems unlikely to me that anyone else would have enjoyed that embarrassing display of awkwardness. I will grant you that I have never been a fan of Madonna, even when she was the biggest act on earth. She had a song or two that I liked, but for the most part, I was always pretty allergic to anything she did. This time, on the biggest stage of her career, she lip-synced her way through a bunch of songs, surrounded by gladiators, cheerleaders, and a neck-less Cee-Lo Green. Madonna attempted to dance in high-heeled boots and did not do it well. She stumbled more than once, and at one point, I thought she might fall off the back of the stage. The entire thing seemed awkward and poorly done. I am a fan of live music, and really dislike lip-syncing. In this case, it did not even sound like she had made new recordings of the vocals or anything. Instead, it sounded like original recordings, some from more than two decades ago. So she didn’t sing, and she danced poorly. What a treat.

I don’t know who would be a good choice for the halftime show, but I know that most of the recent ones have been awful. I understand why most of the recent choices have been closer to retirement than to the beginning of their careers, as I would expect that the lion’s share of people watching are adults, and acts like The Who, Tom Petty, Bruce Springsteen, and Prince are comfort food to many people my age. Age-wise, Madonna fits into that group. Fanbase-wise, though, she sticks out like a sore thumb. Combine that with a hideous performance like that one, and it really is a stunning miscalculation. Even my wife, who was always a huge Madonna fan, was unimpressed. They tried to appeal to a younger audience by including some current acts like Nicki Minaj, M.I.A., LMFAO (I wonder if the NFL bigwigs know what that stands for), and Cee-Lo Green, but that simply added to the mess that was the halftime festivities. My Twitter and Facebook feeds supported my opinion, as there were far more negative comments than there were positive, and most of the positive ones were to the effect of “it wasn’t that bad.”

So thanks, NFL, for giving me column fodder, if nothing else. They also helped all of the channels putting on counter-programming during halftime, as I imagine many channels were changed around that time. Next year, maybe they can get that Man Vs. Food guy to sit on stage and eat a 10-pound hamburger or something. I would find that far more entertaining.

Bad sports, continued:

2) I thought this was worth its own entry. During the god-awful cheerleader portion of the Madonna fiasco, British singer and rapper M.I.A., who was flanking Madonna along with Nicki Minaj, took a brief turn at the lead vocals. When she reached a part of the song “Give Me All Your Luvin'” where she would normally say a scatological profanity, she skipped the word but instead decided to flip the bird to the 105 million people said to be watching. I am sure that was not quite what the NFL and NBC had in mind when they booked this act in this post-wardrobe-malfunction world.

3) In one of the worst examples of violence I have ever seen connected to sports, 79 people were killed and hundreds were wounded when violence flared at the end of a soccer match between two Egyptian clubs in Port Said, Egypt. The violence appears to have been politically motivated.

4) Legendary boxing trainer Angelo Dundee, best known for training Muhammad Ali and Sugar Ray Leonard, died on Wednesday at the age of 90.

5) Roger Lewis, a high school football star in Ohio who was expected to sign with Ohio State on Wednesday, was arrested and charged with rape this week.

6) A bizarre battle is raging between the Utah Jazz and the greatest player in the team’s history, Karl Malone, who retired back in 2004. Malone has been outspoken about the team’s treatment of former star DeRon Williams, who was traded to the New Jersey Nets last year. Malone and team owner Greg Miller have been taking shots at each other on Twitter.

7) One day before his team was going to play in the Super Bowl, Tiquan Underwood, a reserve wide receiver, was cut by the New England Patriots. The team decided it needed a better special teams player for the game, so they cut Underwood in favor of Alex Silvestro, who was on the team’s practice squad. I think they should have cut him for that hairdo.

8) Cassanova McKinzy, a high school football player who was deciding between Clemson and Auburn this week, chose Auburn because he was concerned about the lack of a Chik-Fil-A on campus at Clemson. Yes, he actually said that. Awesome. Even better, Clemson actually does have the restaurant on campus. I guess McKinzy failed to do his research. He seemed like such a smart kid, too.

Good sports:

1) After the embarrassment that was the NFL Pro Bowl last week, league commissioner Roger Goodell said this week that he would actually consider eliminating the Pro Bowl entirely if they can’t come up with a way to make it better. Considering how bad the game has gotten, nixing it sounds like a great idea. Newly minted league MVP Aaron Rodgers, earlier in the week, was complaining about the play of his fellow players during the exhibition, which managed to make preseason games look competitive.

2) Seven-time Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong, considered by many to be the greatest cyclist of all time, was cleared of all doping charges by federal prosecutors this week. The U.S. Anti-Doping Agency has yet to make its ruling, but I would expect the same conclusion.

Bad sports, good sports appears every Monday

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Alan Spoll

Alan Spoll is a software quality assurance director from the suburbs of Philadelphia where he lives with his wonderful wife and children. He has spent his entire life as a passionate fan of the Eagles, Phillies, Sixers, Flyers, and Penn State. Recent Phillies success aside, you will understand his natural negativity. Follow me on Twitter - @DocAlan02

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