The first rule of timetravel is don’t touch anything, not so it would show, anyhow. Sure strangling the infant Hitler would be fun and make for some great souvenirs but your dream vacation will raise a Super-Hitler who does NOT helpfully off himself in the storeroom. Therefore when you return, things will be different; horrendously different if The Twilight Zone has taught us anything. You yourself may just go pop! like a soap bubble or if you haven’t kept your parents from meeting you will find other disappointments; Hansen was a boy band. You just said, no. And that night when you realized in the nick of time? Sorry, now it was a bit too late.

Timetravel, like salt and cooking oil, is hazardous, so must be used sparingly and responsibly. Like these commodities it should be and is controlled by the federal government. [Read more →]

Tags: politics & government, trusted media & news by Ken Watson
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Walter Cronkite was a towering figure of the media for many decades. His catchphrase was in his sign-off. And that’s the way it was on whatever date. It is somewhat curious that he seems to be addressing archivists of the future rather than his live viewers of the evening but there you have it. He declared the first draft of the day’s history done and in the can. A not-young Dan Rather was groomed to replace him and no doubt he took it seriously, especially as the years passed and Cronkite proved remarkably durable both in his ability to show up and read the news and his prominence in the public mind. Rather was certainly prominent himself, anchoring every electi0n and hurricane. He became known for folksy, cryptic aphorisms supposedly drawn from his Texas youth. If a frog had side pockets he would carry a handgun. That sort of thing. Once Cronkite did actually relinquish his chair Dan searched for some time for his own tagline. One experiment was a single, solemnly intoned word. Courage.

Whether he was observing Courage, practicing Courage or pleading for Courage was never clear. And while that might have been appropriate for a newscast absorbed with war, famine or plague it didn’t quite fit when the last story of the night was a human interest fluff piece about a skydiving shar pei or somesuch. Courage, Wrinkles. Courage. [Read more →]

Tags: politics & government, trusted media & news by Ken Watson
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Tags: politics & government, terror & war by Alexander Thorburn Hoffman
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Maybe I’m just a linguistic sponge, but I find myself falling into the discourse of those around me. A northeastern boy, I’ve felt that if I moved to say, the south, that I’d pick up not only the vernacular but the accent within weeks.

This brings me to adverbs. [Read more →]

Tags: language & grammar, virtual children by Scott Warnock by Scott Warnock
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Ah, Obama, our muddle-headed philosopher-king. He strains valiantly, but he is deeply confused by the rupture between dream and reality. Take all that stuff about closing down Guantanamo, ending extraordinary rendition and so on. He meant it at the time, I’m sure, but never having had a real job or been responsible for much, he just didn’t understand how the world works. So later, he had to back down, and admit, confusingly, that all that Bush stuff he once hated was kinda cool after all. Or at least unavoidable.

Then there is his bizarre foreign policy which largely consists of pissing off allies and sucking up to enemies. Consider Iran (our enemy) for instance — riots for democracy over there and it took him over a week to say anything much, and it wasn’t much, and was loaded with unctuous references to the Supreme Leader. Consider Egypt (our ally) on the other hand — riots for democracy and it was: Mubarak go now, followed by — well maybe not now, followed by — oh alright then, if you have to.

See how confusing that is? [Read more →]

Tags: terror & war, trusted media & news by Daniel Kalder
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The 2012 election cycle kicks-off tonight with the first Republican presidential primary debate–an event that will surely be one in a long line of platitude-a-paloosas to come from all parties and all office seekers–so I want to make a prediction. Given the recent success of the Navy SEAL operation that killed Osama, and that the unofficial motto of the SEALs is reportedly  “Failure is not an option,” we’re going to be hearing this particular phrase a lot in the coming months in reference to the need for government action to solve our country’s ills, both real and imagined.

The meaning, of course, of this particular platitude is latent, and lies deep within the ideology of the speaker. So, as a service to the reader of When Falls The Coliseum, I present this handy list of latent meanings:

Republican: Failure is not an option…but if you fail, it’s your fault.
Democrat: Failure is not an option…but if you fail, it’s NOT your fault.
Libertarian: Failure is not an option…but it ought to be.
Constitutionalist: Failure is not an option…it’s a right.
Green: Failure is not an option…it’s a tree falling in the woods with no one to hear.
Socialist: Failure is not an option…it’s a utopia.

Tags: politics & government by Jay Baldwin
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White House silent. Does it sound silent to you? What the Posties mean is that the Administration has gone silent on the facts. Can you blame them? Even that sizeable crowd willing or even enthusiastic to believe every exhalation from the West Wing have knocked their heads on a very hard glass ceiling. Without a dedicated T-1 line an interested patriot has no hope of keeping up with just the official revisions, much less the larger media response, regarding the public secret of Osama bin Laden’s last minutes and final resting place. The nation at large trots along gamely, then sprints trying to catch the flying missives pouring out of the Obama motorcade. But the fastest dog has no hope of biting that bumper. A kind driver will immediately speed up and leave the barking mutts quickly in the dust. The vindictive type will troll along at the pooch’s top speed for a few minutes before proceeding onto their business. Which has occurred? [Read more →]

Tags: terror & war, trusted media & news by Ken Watson
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A Tiger in the Kitchen made me hungry. Really hungry. I love Asian food of all sorts, and listening to author Cheryl Lu-Lien Tan describe these family favorites in such loving detail made me want to try to make them myself, because I just knew takeout was going to be a disappointment. Dumplings, soups and special desserts, often tied to holiday celebrations and memories of family dinners, are all on the menu in her book, subtitled “A Memoir of Food and Family.” Her attempts to reconnect with her family and childhood through not just recipes but the act of preparing them, will be achingly familiar to many readers. [Read more →]

Tags: books & writing, Lisa Reads by Lisa Hura
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Let’s say that Barack Obama dons some gay apparel, something like a viking hat and chainmail, hoists Osama’s crab-nibbled melon over his own and runs out on the West Lawn crying out like Braveheart, “Freedom! Freedom! Freedom!” This has a predictable effect, rallying the entire country to the cause of Scottish nationalism, but also whatever other plans the President has cribbed on his ipad. The hottentots in the House and elsewhere fall in to line. The institutions of international finance are also well impressed by this display of leading from the side yard; they promise (and prove to have the ability) to buy up all the T-bills we can print at around 3%. For the most part there is no effect on the media, except that Fox is given over to the closest thing white people have to Obama, Mitt Romney, making it as tractable as a gelded pony. The Bush Era Tax Rates die of natural causes next year, engorging federal revenues while not harming economic activity in the least. Likewise FICA taxes rise to no complaints or ill effect. The regulations of the insurance industry have exactly the intended effect and no other leaving it exactly as prosperous and powerful as Obama wants. In short, let us make this titanic and diverse stipulation that is far, far better than any reasonable Best Case Scenario and still we can confidently predict that Obamacare (or whatever you would like to name it…. Husseincare? How’s that sound?) will fail utterly, catastrophically and grotesquely. And we can blame it on Charlie Sheen. [Read more →]

Tags: health & medical, politics & government by Ken Watson
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Saying that President Obama doesn’t deserve credit because he didn’t fire the shot that took him out is like saying bin Laden is not responsible for 9/11 because he didn’t fly the planes. [Read more →]

Tags: politics & government, terror & war by Jody Lane
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Within the last 2 years, President Obama told CIA director Leon Panetta to make the search and capture of Bin Laden the top priority in Afghanistan. As impractical and zealous as that might have seemed, it just feels right today. Bin Laden might not have been the logistical or intellectual force within Al-Qaeda at the time of his death that he was before, but he was certainly a symbolic and inspirational force. And as the lush compound that provided him refuge shows, he might still have been a financial force too.
[Read more →]

Tags: politics & government, terror & war by Robert O'Hara
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America breathes a sigh of relief. In far off Pakistan US forces have finally caught up with the world’s most wanted man, Ossama bin Laden. It is a benchmark in the McCain Presidency that even many supporters now believe is half over.

Spontaneous celebrations in Times Square and elsewhere were a shot in the arm for the Administration that has seemed unable to put a foot right lately. Mired as the nation is in a new war in Libya and a lesser action in Syria dubbed a “forceful resoration of order” by some anonymous and perhaps now unemployed McCain flack, the response was heartfelt. In front of 1600 Pennsylvania Ave, John Sidney McCain took the photograph that will certainly define his career if not his lifetime, mingling with boisterous crowds at midnight, casually dressed, and draped in flags by the crowds to the consternation of the Secret Service. [Read more →]

Tags: politics & government, terror & war by Ken Watson
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I didn’t intend to do a part three on “artistic weirdness,” but sometimes weirdness just hits one in the face (not unlike that goose that once smashed Fabio in the schnoz at a Bush Gardens, but with less outrageous, bloody irony) when it comes to the arts. And so it happened this time: a former — and delightfully philosophical — student of mine started a Facebook discussion about a “Today Show” spot entitled: “Violin prodigy is ‘Viagra’ to classical music.” (Hat tip: Nick Tomasello).

First, I would like to make a sassy point: Beethoven’s music don’t need no stinking Viagra. If this is all about some clichéd perspective that classical music is wimpy, somebody needs to listen to Holst, Richard Strauss, Respighi, Dukas . . . need I go on? (Ever hear the Prelude of La Péri, for heaven’s sake? Viagra, my elbow.) [Read more →]

Tags: artistic unknowns by Chris Matarazzo by Chris Matarazzo
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I have been pondering Robert Benchley’s Law of Distinction: “There are two kinds of people in the world, those who believe there are two kinds of people in the world and those who don’t.”

I don’t know how many people today remember Robert Benchley, but that he titled one of his essay collections 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, or David Copperfield should tell you a good deal about how funny he could be. [Read more →]

Tags: that's what he said, by Frank Wilson by Frank Wilson
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Today I want to start out by saying I had an almost perfect week  – a day trip to NYC, two Buffalo Tom shows,  good times with friends, a bunch of playdates with Jack, two date nights with Cailin, and dinner in Atlantic City with my parents. It was an action-packed, beer-soaked, raucous, and tiring few days of pretending like I was 22 years old all over again. Life is good in Marty Digs Land. And to top it all off, Osama Bin Laden is at his final resting place along with the Roswell Aliens, Tupac, and McDonald’s recipe for secret sauce. [Read more →]

Tags: art & entertainment, Marty digs by Marty O'Connor
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I write this from my sofa, where I have been pretty firmly planted for the last week since back surgery on Monday. Although it is a bit of a reach, my surgery and what led up to it has given me a bit of an insight into the challenges faced by athletes everywhere. I have none of the same stuff riding on it as the professionals, as far as money and fame, but I am starting to understand the difficulty in recognizing that there are things that you may not be able to do anymore. [Read more →]

Tags: bad sports, good sports by Alan Spoll
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10. Runs Like A Girl

9. Papa’s Got A Brand New Nag

8. Lackluster

7. Sassy Sashay

6. Last Chance Harvey

5. Dances with Gluepots

4. Newt

3. Runs Sideways

2. Push ’Em Back! Shove ’Em Back! Swayback!

1. Limping Biscuit
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Tags: animals, Bob Sullivan's top ten everything, sports by Bob Sullivan
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As far as I can tell, it is still public national policy that we are NOT aiming at Khaddafi. But we are shooting in his general direction.

Tags: politics & government, terror & war by Ken Watson
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