“I know not ‘seems'”

“I know not ‘seems'”

Posted on April 5th, 2011 by Chris Matarazzo

Hey, we all have busy weeks. Here’s a meditation on parenthood and artistic identity that originally appeared on my blog:

Quite often, we’ll be listening to my iPod or the radio in the car and one of my young sons will ask me: “Is that you dad?” In my entire life, nothing has been as satisfying as that question. It means my boys see me as a composer and as a singer.

The audience that really counts gets it.

I might have to do something else to pay the mortgage, but my lads know who I really am. They see me in my little studio working; they see me lugging gear off to gigs and they hear me making music often enough that they realize that it’s what their dad is really all about.

I don’t have a heck of a lot to brag about in terms of artistic recognition, so far, but my sons’ perception is proof to me that I’ve learned to “be” rather than to “seem”. In other words, I work at it hard enough that a nine-year-old and a seven-year-old know it’s really part of me.

Too many people fool themselves — talk the talk, that is. It’s cool to look like a musician, even if you’re not, really. There are a lot of “writers” out there who never write; painters who seldom paint; actors who are too lazy to go out on auditions. How can we know if we are posing or if we are “putting ourselves on”? Well, the perception of those who really know us counts for a lot. Your children — now or someday — they see the truth in you, my friend.

We always talk about “parenting by example” these days (I hate the word “parenting,” but there it is), in terms of teaching our kids ethical and socially responsible behavior and I try to do that daily, but I am glad that my love of music is clear. To me, that example may be more important.

The teenaged dreamers in us were not fools. Teenagers may be the truest form of who we are. We adults are all just the teenagers we once were, wrapped up in scar tissue. These immature versions of us understand one thing: there has to be more to this world than just paying the bills. My kids won’t really believe that unless they see it, so I cannot quit reaching.

Sure I’d love for the world to appreciate my music, but if my sons are the only ones who hum my tunes in the tub — if they keep hearing Jon McLaughlin or Billy Joel on the radio and saying “Is that you dad?” — I’ll be just as happy, so long as they remember their dad as the guy who lived up to his responsibilities but who refused to be caged in by them.

Chris Matarazzo’s ARTISTIC UNKNOWNS appears every Tuesday.

Author Bio
Latest Posts

Chris Matarazzo

Chris Matarazzo is a writer, composer, musician and teacher of literature and writing on the college and high school levels. His music can be heard on his recent release, Hats and Rabbits, which is currently available. Chris is also the composer of the score to the off-beat independent film Surrender Dorothy and he performs in the Philadelphia area with the King Richard Band. He's also a relatively prolific novelist, even if no one seems to care yet. His blog, also called Hats and Rabbits, is nice, too, if you get a chance...