Some things are meant to be. On the one hand, you have a long-running show that’s losing its star. While the program is still profitable, the most die-hard fans would concede it has become predictable even by sitcom standards. (Dwight did something most people would find socially inappropriate again?) On the other, you have a man who is full of surprises for all, whether you’re his girlfriend or a segment producer on Good Morning America. Steve Carrell’s replacement is clear: the new boss on The Office should be Chris Brown.

This is actually not the first time Brown and Dunder-Mifflin have collided. Brown was an essential part of perhaps the finest moment on The Office, when Jim and Pam finally married (it was his song “Forever” playing as everyone danced down the aisle). Sadly, the music stopped and it’s been downhill since then for the series, with some funny moments and some sweet ones but never the blend that allowed for the tenderness of two soul mates coming together while also making room for Andy to tear his scrotum. Brown will bring this mix back to The Office, as he will charm his employees (and, by extension, the audience) to the point we will fall in love with him and want to be with him always and then, just when it’s starting to get a little stale, he will abruptly morph into an entirely different person and pummel us within an inch of our lives with laughter.

The viewer won’t know what’s coming and, while at times it will be unnerving, in no time we’ll have re-avowed our devotion to the show (indeed, we’ll be terrified to leave, no matter how our friends beg us to get away, before it’s too late).

Brown can in many ways step right in where the character of Michael Scott left off. For instance, Michael liked to sing. (Who can forget his performance of “Baby Back Ribs” in the episode “The Client”?) So does Chris! And the feud with the human resources representative Mr. Flenderson? You know Brown can keep that going, because he’s not going to let anyone tell him how to conduct a meeting or fill out a form or treat a woman who’s embarrassed him in public. Watch your back, Toby!

Brown will be different too, of course. After all, Michael, for his all his attempts to act worldly, was a little…uptight. Not Chris. Nope, Brown will be willing to loosen his tie and take off his jacket and abruptly rip his shirt off and text pictures of his junk that will be leaked to the internet. At last, the Scranton branch will have a man in charge who not only talks a good game, but can back it up when push comes to shove comes to repeated overhand punches as his victim desperately tries to cover her head.

I can’t even imagine what will happen if Jan tries to make him get a vasectomy!

The only problem? Chris Brown is contractually obligated to be on Dancing with the Stars. He’s reportedly trying to leave; rumor has it he’s so desperate he even decided to pull some kind of weird publicity stunt that would totally remind the public of something that he did in 2009 and leave producers with no choice but to let him go. (After all, what kind of allegedly wholesome show would want to be associated with something like, for instance, domestic abuse?) But Brown is a fine dancer who continues to pump out the hits — he has the number one album as I write this — so they’re insisting on keeping him, even though it may deny him the chance at his dream job and in the process make him very angry.

They’re just lucky he’s a gentleman, because who knows what a lesser man might do.

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