Recently the boxer Bernard “The Executioner” Hopkins accused Manny Pacquiao of being biased against blacks. Why? Because they’re apparently the only people on Earth the phenomenon from the Philippines hasn’t been beating into comas. After all, recently Manny’s fought Hispanics (Antonio Margarito), whites (Ricky Hatton), and blacks (Joshua Clottey). Oops! When pointed this out, Hopkins amended his accusation to say Pacquiao was avoiding African-Americans, since even though Clottey was born in Africa and now lives in America, he technically is an African in America, not to be confused with an African-American (or a plain American, such as Bernard’s business partner “Golden Boy” Oscar De La Hoya, whom was clobbered into retirement by Manny). Still with Bernard? Let’s continue.

Hopkins goes on to note that the African-American “Pretty Boy” Floyd Mayweather, Jr. would defeat Manny, which is why Manny has been displaying his hateful cowardice by, er, well, he’s trying to set up a bout against Floyd. (What better way to avoid fighting an African-American than by setting up a fight with one? Oh, Manny, you cunningly racist bastard!) Floyd, however, has declined this bout, because he wanted additional blood testing requirements as Floyd does not care for doping. (In completely unrelated news, Floyd’s last fight was against “Sugar” Shane Mosley, who is a self-acknowledged doper.) And when Manny caved on the testing requirements, Floyd passed because he was on “vacation“, a restful period he has spent recharging his batteries by making racist videos and reportedly assaulting the mother of his children. Which Bernard explained by noting…

Um…

All right, he didn’t address that at all. Which is a shame, because Hopkins actually had a legitimate point to make. All things being equal, fight promoters tend to avoid black fighters. Why? Because they’re scared of them…not selling tickets. There is a perception that black fighters (and particularly African-American fighters) who aren’t names aren’t a draw, at least compared to, say, Mexican fighters. (Doubt it? Manny had a stretch between 2003 and 2008 when 11 of 12 fights were against opponents from Mexico.) Promoters are happy to work with Bernard, who sells tickets. Ditto for Floyd. But when it comes to Paul Williams, a dangerous fighter who’s perceived as being weak at the box office, they’ll look elsewhere.

In a weird twist, it appears that even if Pacquiao-Mayweather is never meant to be (in the sense that if Floyd won’t do it now, it’s even less likely to happen when he’s serving 34 years in prison), Manny may still wind up facing an African-American. His opponent will be…Sugar Shane Mosley! Yep, the 39-year-old doper who looked terrible in a decision loss to Mayweather — I think Sugar Ray Robinson could take him, and Robinson’s been dead for 21 years — will get a crack at boxing’s biggest payday. (Indeed, Manny may have to encourage him to resume juicing to ensure a halfway decent bout.) There are more deserving opponents, but Sugar’s a name, reminding us that boxing isn’t about bigotry, just greed, and leaving us all to dream of a day when regardless of creed, color, sexual orientation, food allergies, or body odor, every man will have an equal chance to have a tiny Filipino pound the living crap out of him.

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