Ooooh, girl, did you hear the news? Courteney Cox and her husband David Arquette, of the Los Angeles Arquettes, have decided to separate. Somewhere, Jennifer Aniston is throwing her arms up to the heavens and shouting “Yes! I’m no longer the saddest former Friend!” Don’t worry, Jenny, that title has long been reserved for Matt LeBlanc. Anyway, in their statement to the press, the Cox-Arquettes said they hope that “friends, family, fans and the media also show us respect, dignity, understanding and love at this time as well.” What better way to show my respect, dignity, understanding and love than by offering Courteney the benefit of my advice? Oh it feels so good to give.

Courteney, I’m not going to mince words: That jackass has been weighing you down for years. If you were to pick up a copy of the New York Post  from the 90’s, when your love for David flourished on the set of the Palme d’Or winning film “Scream,” you’d probably see that the Page Six item announcing your relationship consisted of only two words: “Him?” and “Really?” No one understood this relationship. So now that you’ve confirmed your “trial separation” (read: impending divorce), it’s time to make up for those eleven years you wasted. You’re (sometimes) funny, successful, and still smoking hot, so paint that town red! I want to see you dancing on a banquette, I want to see you getting out of a cab with no panties on (ok, I don’t actually want to see that; I’m trying to make a point, here), and I want to read tabloid reports about you, Laura Dern, and Jennifer Aniston leaving a bag of flaming dog excrement on Angelina Jolie’s doorstep and running away. Go out and live it up!

My second piece of advice to you is that now is the time to stretch your little acting wings. Looking back over the way-too-many years that “Friends” was on the air, there is a marked shift – more like a lurch – in your acting style that started right around when you got married. I think we all agree that it was not a good shift. Forgive me, Courteney, but you got downright hammy and it was so clear that David was directing you on the side. And I understand; if I were married to an Oscar-winning graduate of Juilliard who holds dual membership in the Actor’s Studio and the Royal Shakespeare Company, I’d let him coach me, as well. But those were not good years for you, professionally speaking. Interestingly enough, I distinctly remember thinking that your acting got less heinous as the first season of “Cougar Town” progressed. (Yes, loyal readers, I watch “Cougar Town” and I like it. Who are you to judge me?) So I’m guessing that you and David split up somewhere around the middle of the 2009 – 2010 season. Now that you’re not weighed down by that pesky albatross around your neck, it’s time to get back into movies. Start small, maybe with a nice mini-series or Lifetime movie where you cry a lot. I smell Golden Globe!

Finally, since “Cougar Town” inexplicably has nothing to do with the practice of Cougartown-ing, you should go out and Cougartown it up. We already know you’ve been doing the nasty with your costar (who is also your employee, since you’re a producer – well done, sweetie), but if you can get away with robbing the cradle then go for it! There are men, Courteney, of 19 or 20, and I mean to get you a few. Younger men, who’ll give a girl plenty…Courteney, you’ve got a lot of living to do!

Let’s face it: Some celebrities could use good advice. Meg Boyle gives it to them every Tuesday.

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