Reuters has a hilarious story about the hapless German communist party’s attempts to curry favor with schoolchildren by offering them pens that project pornographic images.

To sweeten their first day at primary school German children are normally given a cardboard cone filled with sweets, but schoolchildren in Essen this year opened their cones to find pens which project erotic images.

Wait a minute.

German children are usually given candy at the beginning of the school year? German children? German children are given candy?

Typical German child enjoying sweets.

Of course that is the real story here. The German communist party is trying to fatten German children. Why? Well, they’re communists, so they probably want to make the children unhealthy so that they are more dependent on the state.

Wait a minute.

There’s a communist party in Germany? Did these people learn nothing when the Berlin wall came down? And, why are they allowed to spread their message using high-calorie sweets anyway?

Then there’s this:

“The German Communist Party deeply regrets what has happened and is outraged that this kind of thing, which borders on pornography, can be purchased in normal shops,” it said, adding that its lawyers were now investigating whether the vendors could be prosecuted.

So, you make the mistake and buy the wrong thing (pens that project images that border on pornography) and it’s the fault of the people who sold it to you? You expose children to the vile and despicable danger that is pornography when you meant to expose them to the vile and despicable danger of fattening candy and you want someone else to take the fall?

Must be nice, living in Germany, where you don’t have to take responsibility for finding out what you’ve purchased before you distribute it to all those innocent children.

The party has offered to exchange the pens for something more suitable for children.

Like what? A pound of chocolate? Potato chips? Quotations From Chairman Mao?

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Ricky Sprague

Ricky Sprague occasionally writes and/or draws things. He sometimes animates things. He has a Twitter account and he has a blog. He scripted this graphic novel about Kolchak The Night Stalker. He is really, really good at putting links in bios.

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