Do you remember the indie horror film “The Blair Witch Project”? Remember how frustrating it was to watch the three victims make stupid mistake after stupid mistake? And remember the end of the film when they found that abandoned house in the woods and, exercising no common sense whatsoever, actually went inside? Remember how by that point you were so annoyed with the whole thing that instead of shouting “Girl, don’t go in there!” you shook your head and said “They deserve whatever they’re going to get.”? If you do remember, well, then you know exactly how I feel about Kat Von D dating Jesse James.

After much gossip-world speculation and Twitter vacillation, this Kat-person took to the red carpet and proudly showed off her Catch of the Century boyfriend, telling the world that he is definitely “The One” and proclaiming “”Jesse is only my ninth boyfriend,” (Only??) “I don’t hang out with anybody unless I am in love.” That’s so sweet I need a glass of milk to wash it down.

I’d never heard of Kat Von D before this story broke but a quick search on The Google has provided me with some relevant bullet points:

1. She’s into tattoos.
2. She’s much younger than Jesse James.
3. She’s dating Jesse James.

Now I’ll stare into my crystal ball and provide you with the bullet points of the future:

1. Kat and Jesse get married about two months from now.
2. He cheats on her about two and a half months from now.
3. They get divorced about three months from now.

May I digress? I must say, it warms my heart to see that when Jesse James said that he would work his ass off to win back Sandra Bullock, he really meant it. Nothing is going to get Sandy singing “It’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday” faster than the tabloid image of her ex making out with a 28-year-old Bombshell McGee-lookalike not two months after the finalization of his divorce. This is one classy dude.

Kat, you seem like a nice girl, so I’m going to give you some tough love advice: Dump his ass now, before you’re in too deep. You know, whenever I’m making important decisions in life, I ask myself “What would Sandra Bullock do?” I suggest you do the same. In this case, you already know what Sandra Bullock would do: She would get rid of the dirt bag. Cause, you know, she already did.

Girl, don’t go in there. You deserve whatever you’re going to get.

Let’s face it: Some celebrities could use good advice. Meg Boyle gives it to them every Tuesday.

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