It seems to this American that the people blabbering on about how Obama is a Muslim foreigner miss out on something far more threatening to our nation’s future: we haven’t seen Joe Biden’s birth certificate either. Not even a photocopy. Nor have we seen any birth announcements or baby photos, preferably of him dressed as a cowboy. From this we can draw one logical conclusion: our Vice President is a robot.

It is common knowledge among the elites in Washington that the man a heartbeat away from the presidency is a machine. How could he not be? For one, there’s his middle name: Robinette. Yes, exactly the sort of name a robot would have (say it aloud: “Robinette the Robot” or perhaps “The Robot Robinette”). No one can deny “Robinette” is an excellent name for a robot…but for a normal human? Unthinkable.

Beyond this, there is the alleged “chronology” of Joe Biden’s early life. Always reliable wikipedia states that Joe Biden was born in Scranton, Pennsylvania in 1942 and lived there for 10 years until his family moved to Delaware. This ignores one crucial fact: while founded in 1776 and still going strong today, from 1941 to 1957, Scranton did not exist. Also, Delaware is not now nor has it ever been an official part of the USA, but is merely a territory created as a tax haven for the DuPont Company. There is no evidence that Joe Biden was born in America or, indeed, has even visited it at any point.

Finally, Joe Biden is made of metal, which is why you rarely see the Vice President around magnets and there is audio of him at a State of the Union chatting with Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi about his fears of losing the war in Afghanistan, having the Republicans regain Congress, and rust. (This audio is no longer made available by C-Span.) (Nancy Pelosi is not a robot, but is a total bitch.)

In view of this evidence, there is no denying the robotic nature of Joseph R. Biden, which makes his claims to have “blood” and “emotions” and to have “fathered multiple children with his two wives” all the more sickening.

Now we reach the disturbing part: for some reason, a significant number of Americans want this robot in the White House. That is why they are doing everything possible to drive Barack Obama from power because he was not “born in this country.” Hey geniuses, consider this: robots weren’t born anywhere. They’re made in labs by scientists, who play in God’s realm and have depraved fantasies about Tina Fey, thinking they have a shot with her because she wears glasses and married a short guy and constantly describes herself as unattractive on “30 Rock” but they’re only kidding themselves.

I do not want these sort of people programming my leader and, from time to time, replacing his circuit boards.

Accordingly, we must act now, by resisting those who want to force out the human Barack Hussein Obama so they can force in the robot Joseph Robinette Biden. If someone says to you that Obama was born overseas, dump a glass of water on them immediately. There is an excellent chance they are robots themselves, and by doing this you can short their circuitry and lessen the ranks of the underground android army threatening to take away our human freedom by one.

And even if they’re not, at least you’ll get an asshole wet.

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