Bad sports, good sports: Baseball players finding new ways to hurt themselves

Posted on July 19th, 2010 by Alan Spoll

Professional baseball players are generally great athletes. Sure, there have been a few major league players that look less than athletic. Fernando Valenzuela, from way back in the Eighties, comes to mind, although he was actually a much better athlete than his appearance suggested. Most of them, though, look the part. They play a difficult game at the highest level, and are generally pretty fit. Sure, injuries are part of the game, as these guys are exerting themselves, running, diving, sliding, throwing, and swinging with great abandon. We expect these players to be supermen. This week, several players proved to be much less than extraordinary, injuring themselves in a variety of unusual and somewhat comical ways.

A.J. Burnett, a pitcher for the New York Yankees, was unhappy with how he pitched against the Tampa Bay Rays in the second inning on Saturday. Between innings, he stormed off the field, through the dugout and into the clubhouse, pounding the door open as he went. The plexiglass lineup holders on the clubhouse doors promptly cut both of his hands. Burnett then lied to the trainers and to his manager, Joe Girardi, saying he had slipped on the dugout steps and cut his hands bracing his fall. Two hitters into the next inning, Burnett had been pulled from the game.

Early Thursday morning, Russell Branyan of the Seattle Mariners woke up, decided he wanted to sleep some more, and got up to pull the hotel curtains closed to shut out the light. In doing so, he tripped over a coffee table, which then fell on his foot. He hasn’t played since. The writer of this story suggests that this story sounds sketchy, and speculates that the true story is probably even dumber than the one being told.

My favorite baseball injury of the week, though, comes from the San Diego Padres. Pitcher Mat Latos has been put on the disabled list due to an injury to his side. The source of the injury? He was trying not to sneeze. That’s right. A professional athlete was injured by holding a sneeze, to the point that he will be out for at least two weeks. That’s impressive. I hope he never gets the hiccups.

Maybe I should try out for a baseball team. I regularly injure myself in stupid ways. I am pretty sure I hurt my finger typing this story. I want my ten-million-dollar contract.

Bad sports, continued:

2) Green Bay Packers defensive tackle Johnny Jolly has been suspended for at least the entire 2010-2011 NFL season because of drug charges against him in Texas. The arrest actually happened over two years ago, when Jolly was found in possession of a significant amount of codeine outside of a club in Houston. If convicted, Jolly could go to jail for twenty years.

3) Vanderbilt head football coach Bobby Johnson retired suddenly this week, with less than 2 months to go before the 2010 season starts. No reason has been given. I imagine there must something significant going on in Johnson’s life, but bailing on your team so close to the beginning of the season seems to be a decision that is destined to be less than popular.

4) Being selected to your sport’s All-Star game must be quite a thrill. Even if you are an injury replacement, the honor is something any athlete is sure to cherish. Having your name announced as an All-Star and then having it taken back, on the other hand, has to sting. That’s what happened to Texas Rangers third baseman Michael Young this week. American League manager Joe Girardi somehow thought that Adrian Beltre, of the Red Sox, had chosen to not participate, and announced Young as his replacement. Beltre had decided no such thing, though, and Young’s status as an All-Star was short lived. Ouch.

Good sports:

1) Check out this shot by golfer Miguel Angel Jimenez at the British Open on Saturday. That’s what I call making the best of a bad situation.

2) Jhonny Peralta of the Cleveland Indians hit an inside-the-park home run on Sunday. These plays are always exciting and are rather rare, but this one has to be one of the least likely inside-the-parkers ever. Peralta is not what anyone would describe as fast, or even average. It helped that Ryan Raburn crashed through a door in the outfield wall while chasing down the fly ball.

Bad Sports, Good Sports appears every Monday

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Alan Spoll

Alan Spoll is a software quality assurance director from the suburbs of Philadelphia where he lives with his wonderful wife and children. He has spent his entire life as a passionate fan of the Eagles, Phillies, Sixers, Flyers, and Penn State. Recent Phillies success aside, you will understand his natural negativity. Follow me on Twitter - @DocAlan02