As everyone knows and has been addressed on this site already, pitcher Armando Galarraga recently lost a perfect game when the umpire missed a call, a fact he quickly and regretfully admitted. Hearing of this injustice, Commissioner Bud Selig exploded into action and did what he does best: add Wild Card teams to the playoffs. I kid, instead he declined to act while issuing a vague statement about possible future actions (it’s a lot like baseball’s steroid policy for most of his reign). Seeing as Bud forbids addressing the past and everyone’s still upset about the lost perfect game, it seems there’s only one thing to do: schedule a new one.

Baseball has proven it tolerates umpires making blatantly wrong calls (and will continue to tolerate them, as Bud has long fought instant replay). So instead of complaining about this, why not use it to our advantage? Let’s ensure Armando Galarraga gets another once in a lifetime moment. Indeed, let’s ensure he gets it in his very next start. His Detroit Tigers can have a promotion whereby they promise every fan will get to see a Galarraga perfect game. Ideally Galarraga will accomplish this on his own merits, but if things start to go off script the umps can step in and screw up the call…only this time in Galarraga’s favor.

Here’s how it works: let’s say Galarraga gives up what might appear to the casual observer a home run, in the sense the ball clears the fence by thirty feet. But wait a minute, the umpire noticed it was foul! Or timeout was called before the pitch! Or there was fan interference! Or a million other reasons a trained umpire can use to prove that what everyone thought they just saw never happened at all!

Then this will be repeated as needed to allow Galarraga to collect those 27 consecutive outs.

Will it make a total mockery of the integrity of the game? Damn skippy, it will. But the box score won’t note that the opposing team gave up even attempting to run to first by the third inning, recognizing there was no point in it. No, the record book will simply note that Armando Galarraga threw a perfect game on a night when everyone knows he didn’t really…just as it also notes that on an earlier night he failed to throw one when everyone knows that he really did.

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