This week I am devoting my column to one amazing clip I saw from an upcoming movie.  Please allow me to explain.  Now that I am a dad, I am soon going to be suffering through movies made for kids.  And everyone knows the formula to a great kid’s movie- talking animals, dancing animals, sunglass-wearing animals, groin shots, and fart scenes.  This clip takes the beloved, always funny, always painful, and always crowd pleasing shot to the groin to a whole new level.

Back in 1997, Air Bud came out and I was 21 years old. My friends and I joked about how many groin shots there would be in the movie.  So we decided to go see it in the theaters.  And me, in my total jackassery of being 21 years old, went to happy hour after work that day.  Oh yeah, and we tailgated at the movie theater before hand – chugging beers before we headed into a children’s movie. Nice. Anyway, I was bombed and passed out halfway through. So I missed one of the most controversial groin shots scenes of all time. The dog ran between the bad kid’s legs and the tail hit the kid’s groin. Not exactly a foot, a basketball, or a blunt object – just a dog’s tail.  My buddies still argue about the severity of it to this day. 

Recently-  I had been seeing signs for a movie about Marmaduke, that giant red dog.  And it’s a live action movie, and of course, in the movie poster, Marmaduke is wearing black sunglasses. Which of course denote that he is a cool dog with attitude – like black sunglasses are supposed to do! It lists Owen Wilson and George Lopez as the stars. And the first thing to come to my mind was this – what’s the over/under on how many shots in the groin the George Lopez character gets?  But then I saw the commercial and realized that George Lopez voices one of the wise cracking animals. However, the makers of this already clichéd to hell children’s movie did not let me down.  Halfway through the commercial, a character played by William H. Macy not only gets hit in the groin- he gets hit so hard he literally flips over!  Marmaduke runs between his legs and makes him do a full flip after a groin shot.  Check out the clip here– it happens at 1:16.  When I saw the commercial, I knew there was going to be a clip of a groin shot- I just figured it would be run of the mill stuff – but when I saw William H. Macy do a full flip, my life changed.  My girlfriend told me the noise I made was like nothing she ever heard come out of me- she didn’t know if I was screaming, yelping, laughing, or choking on a buffalo wing.  The makers of this film have changed the whole playing field- no longer will a kick, or a punch, or a sporting good shot to the groin do.  This is the dawn of a whole new era.    

To all makers of children movies – you have been warned- the bar has been raised!

Tweet  Print This Post

Tags: animals, movies // Add Comment »