I know I have been M.I.F.A. I apologize… life happens… shit happens… and things in between happen. But it’s finale season and while this marks the end of good television and the beginning of crappy summer fillers, I live for these weeks in May. I recently acquired a completely legitimate prescription for Valium (Dude, I swear it’s kinda legit) and it came just in time for highly intense TV goodness. Let’s pop a pill and dive right in.

Brothers & Sisters — As one of my favorite shows, I was really looking forward to this one and it was talked about endlessly by Kristen so I was expecting the finale to be off its rocker. It so wasn’t. If you follow spoilers, it was no surprise what-so-ever that Robert’s life would be hanging in the balance. We finally did learn what Lake Narrow was all about. Expecting them to strike gold or oil, they found… drumroll please… water. A hidden lake if you will. Apparently that makes you rich. Good to know. If I had seen an aqua-geyser, rather than something darker in color or shinier, I would’ve stormed off in a fit of rage thinking my golden ticket to the chocolate factory was bogus. I suppose the biggest shock came when we learned Saul was HIV positive. I feel sad for Saul but I don’t think it was finale worthy. 1/2 Valium needed.

One Tree Hill — A OTH renewal has been questionable for the past few weeks. Will we get a season 8? Yes you heard me… we fans have been loyal and dedicated to our friends from Tree Hill for 7 freakin’ years. I’ve gotten married, moved across the country… twice… and have had 3 different jobs in this time period and I’m still talking about Brooke, Nathan, Haley, Mouth and Skills. And I will be talking about them for at least 13 more episodes because it’s been confirmed for a 1/2 season 8. I’ve recently met two infatuated fans, JAP and JTM, that love this awfully amazing show just as much as  i do so it makes it that much more awesome to watch. We had been warned that if OTH didn’t get it’s renewal, the fans would not be happy with the “series” finale, so I was waiting for all of these crazy, terrible things to go down, but all of it seemed just peachy. Then the last 30 seconds happened. Sarah, that crazy bitch, viciously blows away Quinn AND Clay, all with a smile. I didn’t see it coming at all. I screamed in shock and fear. 2 Valium needed.

24 — When did Jack Bauer turn into Batman? I mean I have never seen him this way before… out for blood, no regard for life. I compare my level of fright to that of President Logan when Jack attacked him in his Batsuit. 2.5 Valium were absolutely necessary.

90210 — For weeks I’ve been hearing/reading about this shocking season finale and how our eyes would pop out of our heads. After watching I had to check the CW website to make sure that what I had just seen was in fact the finale. There was not one thing shocking about it. I still loathe Mr. Matthews with all of my heart, we all know Annie killed Jasper’s uncle… it just took her exactly one year to tell someone, and are we to assume Naomi gets sexually assaulted by that teacher she screwed over earlier in the year? Don’t get me wrong, that is nothing to turn your cheek to, but really? The worst part was watching that creepy creep Jasper burn Liam’s boat. Poor Liam. I love that hot piece… he always gets the short end. The only thing left to ponder is who Mr. Matthews is going to kill in his drunken driving accident we know is going to happen?Complete disappointment, zero valium needed.

Lost — Jack? Really? Six years and approximately 132 hours later, Jack is THE candidate? I’m not buying it. We have come so damn far… that just can’t be how it all comes together. And I’m pretty much guaranteeing that is not our ending. One Valium as per the usual weekly minimum.

American Idol — After this week, no one deserves it more than Lee. 1 valium needed, 1/2 to control my Lee DeWyze emotions, 1/2 to control my heartache for little Justin Bieber and his hairdo.

Cougar Town — Can we all just take a moment and toast the first, hysterically funny season of CT? Fill your glass of wine to the tippy top, pop half a valium and cheers… to many more! And I highly suggest following @Busyphilipps25 on Twitter.

Private Practice — I’m sorry but that was just mean. One hour of pure torture. As far as we knew it, 2 peoples lives were at risk… Maya and her unborn child. They both survived, but Dell unexpectedly didn’t. Out of nowhere, a brain hemorrhage, just like that. I actually hated Dell, but I felt horrible as he said goodbye to his daughter, preparing for the worst. Poor Betsy. 2 Valium.

Grey’s Anatomy — “Due to violent content, viewer discretion is advised” was the opening warning. 1/2 Valium. Pixie girl gets shot, point blank in the head… followed by Alex. 1/2 Valium. Scene where Bailey pleads for her life by claiming she’s a nurse. 1/2 Valium. Dr. Shepherd gets shot while pregnant wife watches. 1/2 Valium. The gunman approaches and tries to shoot Lexi. 1/2 Valium. Owen finds out Derek was shot, heads into surgery to help only to find the gunman holding Christina, the surgeon, at gunpoint. 1/2 Valium. Owen gets shot, they fake Derek’s death. 1/2 Valium. I have no idea how the show ended… passed out a approximately 10:38PM. Just when we thought she couldn’t top last years shocker, Shonda went and did it again. 2 of the best hours of television… ever.

Tune of the Week

“Leave Your Boyfriends Behind” by Leona Naess, courtesy of the beach scene in Cougar Town.

What to Watch, End of Year

Friday

Friday Night Lights — Top 3 shows on television, and we basic cable viewers finally get it back. Suck it DirecTV. No pills, just be happy it’s here.

Monday

24 — The two-hour series finale. The trailer alone is making me shit in my pants. I salute an amazingly entertaining show and one of the best TV characters of all time, Jack Bauer. I highly recommend 2 Valium… before the show even begins.

Wednesday

American Idol — We’ve stuck it out for this long, you may as well tune in. While this was one of the worst seasons ever, the two best are left and they both deserve to win. One pill and a vodka/soda… for fun?

And the Superbowl of TV for the year… the decade… the series finale of Lost airing this Sunday. 4.5 hours long starting with a 2 hour recap followed by a 2.5 hour finale. I’m still deciding what I’m going to eat. There will definitely be chips, dip and snacks, but for the main course I’ve narrowed it down to a #2 from McDonalds, a meatball parm hero, or an italian combo. Suggestions are welcome. This love story (because that’s what it is) is coming to an end. It will come together… maybe not all of it, but most of it. Love will prevail and we’ll get our ending… and it better be epic. Don’t expect a recap… and I’m gonna need a prescription refill.

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