August 29, 2008
I dream I am sharing a hotel room with Gail, Deborah, Eric, and Don. It’s about time to get up, and Eric is skeeved to note that he had been resting his head on my crotch all night. I laugh it off and we start to get up. The last two people out of bed are Gail and Don, so I pretend to be indignant and drag Don off the bed. I excoriate him, in Italian, for ruining my woman.

June 4, 1999
I dream I am in California after having checked out the smut department of a hip bookstore. Despite the fact that I’m on a bench on a crowded boardwalk, a thirtyish woman with red hair sits on my lap and talks coquettishly. As she grabs my hand and sticks it into her crotch, she tells me she is selling naked pictures of herself. Seems like a good idea, but I’m too shy to ask her how much.

October 11, 1995
I dream I run into a tall woman named Susan in a hallway, and since I feel myself about to wake up I figure I might as well try to have sex with her. She pulls off her shirt and I grab and fondle her. She kisses me on the mouth and rips her pants away from her crotch. Just as I enter her through the rip in her pants, I look down and see that I just put my penis into a CD player.

“Fred’s Dreams” appears every Wednesday.

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