Truth and Consequences
Dramatis Personae
Richard Blumenthal, Attorney General of Connecticut
Reporters
REPORTER 1: Mr. Blumenthal, is it true you lied about serving in Vietnam?
BLUMENTHAL: Everyone has a slip of the tongue now and then. I remember Alan Shepard told me — while we were walking on the surface of the moon together — that he was a full admiral; when, of course, he was only a rear one.
REPORTER 2: You’re saying you were on the moon?
BLUMENTHAL: In fact it was the inspiration for my famous dance.
REPORTER 3: So, you do admit you weren’t in Vietnam?
BLUMENTHAL: It depends on what your definition of “in” is.
REPORTER 4: You want to be the next senator of this state. Don’t you think it’s important that elected officials be truthful?
BLUMENTHAL: Yes. And I’ve been as truthful as any politician. That’s a fact. That’s why I was the one who exposed the Watergate cover-up.
REPORTER 5: It’s also being reported that you lied about being captain of the Harvard swim team. It seems you weren’t even on the Harvard swim team.
BLUMENTHAL: Next you’ll tell me I didn’t win those seven gold medals at the ’72 Olympics.
REPORTER 6: Is there anything you haven’t done?
BLUMENTHAL: I haven’t been elected senator. Nor is it likely will I.
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Blumenthal is not the first. As an Army veteran of the Vietnam era — but not actually of Vietnam itself per se (at least as it is described and located in your standard geographies) — I find it grimly amusing that politicians who in their youth twisted and turned every which way to avoid the draft (and Vietnam), in their advanced years try to associate themselves with it heroically. Or if they don’t do that, they become the fiercest of oral warriors, such as Dick (“I had other priorities”) Cheney, urging on the next generation to battle. At least George W. Bush, of whom otherwise I cannot think of a kind word to say, did not try to embellish his draft dodging (into the Texas Air Guard) into something noble.
I’d like to thank Mr. Blumenthal for his service in helping to repel the Arachnid invasion from Klendathu. It’s amazing how he’s been able to recover from losing his left arm.
“It’s amazing how he’s been able to recover from losing his left arm.”
The Lord restored it. Usually you hear of Him healing horrible diseases, but occasionally He restores a limb or two.
Klaatu barada nikto!