April 8, 2010
I dream I am watching a performance by fabulous magician Andrew Goldenhersh. He is doing a new bit with a large pile of white powder he says is salt. He is going to make a volcano, and he lights the powder and it begins to sputter and explode. It firebombs the audience with fragments of white goo. Fortunately, none of the goo touches me. Then the volcano throws off organized smoke that forms in the shapes of bunnies and rocket ships. It is very magical and I am inspired to visit a magic shop, but there are none. I go to the open air library to look for a phone book. When I finally find one, not only are there no magic shops listed, but there is nothing that begins with the letter “m.”

June 5, 1998
I dream I have a photography appointment with Fran, a friend from high school. After the session, I’m disappointed because she tries to hustle me into buying prints at high prices. Then, when I go to Fran’s cocktail party wearing a bathrobe, my brother informs me that I am dressed irreverently. I tell him I’m sorry I didn’t wear my bunny suit. Meanwhile, Lts. Kelley and Sipowicz are chasing down some bad guys. Sipowicz frightens an old nemesis by using a vacuum cleaner as a futuristic gun. The nemesis urinates in his pants.

September 29, 1995
I dream I am friends with a woman who owns bunnies and keeps three in her car. One day she gets in trouble with the authorities because her bunnies have been multiplying and the car is grotesquely overloaded. My friend placates the authorities by dividing the bunnies into groups and storing them in abandoned cars. Eventually, she has an infomercial in which she sells the shells of television sets as rabbit hutches.

“Fred’s Dreams” appears every Wednesday.

 

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