January 29, 2010
I dream I am on a trip with my brother and in a subway station he buys a huge supply of government hotdogs. After he thinks about it, he realizes he has been rooked by the diminutive hotdog man. Normally, he would sue in this situation, but since the diminutive hotdog vendor is a city employee and Dan is reluctant to implicate former mayor, Ed Rendell, he resigns himself to being rooked. Meanwhile, we have to transport the huge supply of hotdogs and accompanying furniture, and we run into Betsy who tells me that Dan should get out on the social networking websites more frequently. I tell her he’s out on those from time to time, but she says not enough. I say, “How do you know? Have you even gone out with him?” She says, “Yes.” I am livid because neither my brother nor Betsy told me about the date. I also wonder why she and I had never gone out on a date.

January 20, 2010
I dream my father and brother and I are taking a trip to Europe and we take the new Iceland train. It takes several days to get to Iceland by train and I’m bored, so I buy shoes from a vending machine for seven dollars. The machine measures your feet and finds perfectly fitting shoes for you, except when the machine measures my feet it determines that I wear women’s shoes. It is embarrassing, but they fit perfectly even though I have one shoe and one sneaker. Later, when I look at the box, I discover there are actually three pairs of shoes; one little old lady pair and two pairs of sneakers, one pink and one blue. In addition, I purchase from a vending machine the Icelandic version of the Hostess Ho Ho. Instead of three separate Ho Ho’s, there is one obscenely large one.

July 2, 1999
I dream I am at a huge, weirdly crowded fair. I am happy because among the many game and food vendors there are many magic vendors. Some famous magicians are there, as is Sigourney Weaver. I stop at all of the booths and on the way out I watch a performance. Six or seven acrobats are sculpturally intermingled with sets of linking rings from which they are escaping. Then, they ascend an urban-looking set and seem to fly from building to building at impossibly slow speeds. It can’t be an acrobatic act. They are actually flying. One flies nearby and I ask “How do you do that?” He says, “I’m video.” Yes, indeed. He has wobbly pixels.

“Fred’s Dreams” appears every Wednesday.

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