Britney Spears released photos of herself — without airbrushing! Jessica Simpson appeared on the cover of Marie Claire — with no makeup!

I say: why stop there?

Wardrobe, stylist — hit the showers. Ms. Spears can pose in her house pants, hoody and Crocs. Let’s ditch the hairdressers while we’re at it, along with Ms. Simpson’s acne-control system. No hair color, either. Follicles, reveal thy underlying hue.

Any personal training go into that sculpted physique? Spray tan? Perhaps some more ambitious augmentation? Not for this photo shoot, sister. Check all implants at the door.

Lighting crew? Take a hike. Do we really need a layout editor? Photos practically crop themselves nowadays. Come to think of it, why hire a photographer? Simpson’s got a Facebook page, let’s just snatch a pic from there. Actually, why have a cover at all? We could just skip to the table of contents and save paper.

Readers — what for? Odds are they won’t even buy the stuff the advertisers are selling. Anyway, they’re the folks we were doing the retouching for in the first place, so I don’t see their purpose anymore.

Hearst Corporation is about to save some serious dough.

You know, when you get down to it, there’s no reason to publish the magazine to begin with. There are plenty of other magazines out there, many with roughly the same content and readership. People can buy one of those if they need something to read.

Then again, perhaps all the other fashion magazines will follow our lead and just give up, leaving one gray mash of humanity to stare at another. Before you know it, we’ll have achieved a celebrity culture that’s worthy of us: fashion without clothes, glamor without frills, stars without sparkle.

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