Yes, Virginia, there is a St. Patrick

Yes, Virginia, there is a St. Patrick

Posted on March 17th, 2010 by Ricky Sprague

Dear When Falls the Coliseum,

I am 8 years old and a cute, innocent little girl. My friends told me that there is no such thing as St. Patrick, and that St. Patrick’s Day was just an excuse to let grownups get drunk. Are my friends right?

Sincerely,

Virginia

Dear Virginia,

As I sit here at my computer savoring my fourth Irish coffee of the morning (top o’ the morning to you!), I can’t help but to feel melancholic about your question. In a word, your friends who have been saying these things you asked about are spreading vicious lies to hurt your feelings and confuse you, or they are retarded, one or the other. Are your friends retarded, Virginia? It’s okay if they are, but you can do better. Maybe your parents are overprotective. I am SO SICK OF PAREnnts that treat there kids with kidgloves! Letm e tell you, my my parents didn’t’ tprotect me from ANYTHING< and I turned out to be a REALLY COOL GUY with a pretty bad headache rightnow and I’m pretty sure I feel another blackout comingexkmnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

nnnnnnnnnnnnn

nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

nnnnnnnnn

nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnfw4?•ååååååååååååååååååå

Sorry I past out on the keyboard facedown. To get back to yor question, when have you ever been to Ireland? Virginia, THERE ARE NO GODDAM SNAKES IN IRELAND. NONE> And do you know why that is? Can you answer that little question, Virginia I need another Irish coffee excxuse me? No? Because none fo those oh so wise friends of yours haven’t’ been to Ireland either? It’s because St. Patrcick himselef, the patron saint of Ireland and of paralegals, drove those mothers out of there!

Virigina, if ther were no St. Patrcik, there would still be snakes in Ireland. Can’t you see that? What is it gon a take to make you see that? Can’t I get through to you? Why did you have to meka me so sad like this, vrigigina? The children toddday don’t have nothinggg to loookkf orewared to. Oh theymaekke me so sad viriginiia.

Don’t’ grow up sad, vriginai. Don’t letyer life bewaon oe f regreat like mine is. Oh sure I have fun barhoppiong and ST. patrikc’s day is my day to really cut loooose and have somefun druinking green beer until someone lookes at me funny the bastard yea youbetttter run I’m gonna beat you down DON”T LOOKATME LIKE THAT hey! You! She’s’ gona home with me and whats’ wyourn ame again I can”t; åthjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj

jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj

jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj

jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj

jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj

jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj

jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj4rrrrrrrare?4tyyyyyyyyyyrffffr bvvvvvbnnnnnnnnnn

Sorry I hadto get some more Irish formy coffee agin.

Virigigigigina, there is a st. parktick. He is watchingn over us all. When that two drunk girlsss outside the barr gett inatao an argulment, that eascalates into showuting match to calawing and hairpullinlgll fisticuffs, st. patrikc is them with there. When another women gets past out drunk and the friends holds her hair out of the way so that she doesn’t’ voimit corned beefa nd hash into her ownha ir, St. PARTckic is there. When a man inadvrerenetly gazes with lust at another man’smy girlifreiend, than the second man punches outh the frist man and pounds the liibing crud out of him the frirst man, ST> PRICKTA is there.

He’s also in the Catholic mass that we all attended that morning,b ecause that’s the really meankning of St. PRACTICK”S Day.

Oh but viiriginai, it really botherst me that your friendeds don’t’ belieieve in him? Why don’t’ they? It makes want to cry so bad”? IT’s just not fairt that kidss today don’t’ have that same senseo fo wondered that your so scyinical all they time. Viriginaia, your’e makingmecry n wo. Virigiinia? Vigiriginain!

They have paradessfo r St.partirks Day. In chicaggo they turn watwer green; it’s’l like amiracle, Vaginar. Green water! Don’t’ lilsten to those small mainds that want to make you feell badabout ST>PATCKkrisk’s DAy. So in answear to your waustion, yes, Viriginani, there’re is aST: PARTRIK’s day.

NOW exscuse me becuasse I ma going to go to th barand cebrelate.å å ?? hf g tzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzxwhay did I openaanewa docummeant?

YES I Woluld like tosave the changedes imade to thisadcuument! Wears thea save button?

Author Bio
Latest Posts

Ricky Sprague

Ricky Sprague occasionally writes and/or draws things. He sometimes animates things. He has a Twitter account and he has a blog. He scripted this graphic novel about Kolchak The Night Stalker. He is really, really good at putting links in bios.