March 7, 2010
I dream I am with friends who cultivate eccentricities. I am fussy about the kinds of eccentricities I am willing to cultivate, but with them, anything goes. For example, I am reluctant to use the new inspirational paper towels. I am ok with the old ones imprinted with general homilies that might be appropriate in a wide range of contexts, but my friends prefer the new ones that are thought to be the word of God. If anyone has a problem or question, all they do is rip off the next paper towel and do what it says. My friends recline together in enormous beds and think up odd things to do. I feel out of it, and begin work on a list of eccentric activities.

January 15, 2010
I dream I am in New York City, and my friends Dave and Mario have finally figured out how to duplicate themselves. Two Daves and two Marios are running around giggling. They start a small business in which they use magic tricks to convince people they are psychic. They wind up using these tricks to convince people to kill themselves. Other friends of ours blow the whistle on them and they must cease and desist. Finally, I see that in the Empire State Building there is a tiny elevator that can be used to send small objects to the top for only 25 cents.

October 3, 2009
I dream I am coming home from Mitch’s house and get caught in a sticker bush. One of Mitch’s friends pulls the branches away and releases me. When I get home to my Aunt Em and Uncle Henry’s house I see that my left arm is swollen and covered not only with scratches, but with welts, cookie-sized flaps of skin, and a number of eyeballs. Uncle Henry insists I go to the hospital, but I pop two Benadryl first. By the time I get to the hospital the eyeballs are gone and the arm is looking better.

“Fred’s Dreams” appears every Wednesday.

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