Government access to sex now!
Sex is essential. People who have regular sex live longer than those who do not. These people also tend to be healthier and happier. Given the importance of sex in the lives of Americans, you would think that our government would do all it could to ensure that everyone had equal access to sexual services. Tragically, this is not the case.
In fact, our government has stood by while sexual services have been controlled by sex industry workers who seem far more interested in turning profits than turning tricks.
And they once called this “the land of opportunity”!
Make no mistake: Sex industry workers are motivated by greed. The average price of a backseat tumble has increased at 27 times the rate of inflation. And I’m not merely talking about the direct cost to the consumer who purchases the services of a prostitute. I’m talking about the indirect costs incurred when a man takes a woman out for dinner, or drinks.
Do you know how much drinks cost these days?
Even those citizens who are responsible enough to get regular nookie for their own health are left paying for those who don’t. Remember those expensive drinks I mentioned previously? The cost of those drinks is the same for those who already have sex partners as for those who are trying to get sex partners.
But I’m not just talking about the price of mojitos. I’m talking about the frustrated construction worker, unable to concentrate on the riveting of hot nuts, because it reminds him or her of the sex act, and therefore performs shoddy work, causing the foundation of the building to collapse. I’m talking about the woman on the assembly line at a car manufacturer, so preoccupied by thoughts of the sex she’s not getting that she doesn’t see the part she’s stamping is faulty; the piece goes into a car, and the car malfunctions, costing us all millions of dollars. I’m talking about the firefighter who can’t even let go of the pole at the fire station, because it’s the only “action” he’s getting; meanwhile, the fire rages at the orphanage, or wherever the fire was burning, and the children inside pay the price.
The children!
The theoretical consequences of this are immeasurable. The frustrated man or woman who cannot get laid is an unpredictable danger to all of us. You know the type. You mention one little thing to her, and she practically “bites your head off.” When you’ve had your head bitten off (in that way, the bad way, not the sexual way), your whole day is ruined; the bad mood spreads exponentially. Your productivity goes down, and your company loses money. Then the economy loses money. The GDP goes down.
The naysayers will tell you that there are some people who are just too physically gross, or who have repulsive personalities, who should be denied sex. This is as ludicrous as it is callous. Sex should be for everyone, uggos and jerks included. No one should be denied sex based on pre-existing unattractiveness.
The wealthiest uggos and jerks — men like Eliot Spitzer, for instance — can get Cadillac call-girls, while many of us are left trolling for strange women in Hollywood back alleys or, worse, Tustin. This is unacceptable in the so-called “land of the free.”
Then there are those who are under-sexed. Some people might be lucky enough to find sexual partners, but these people will not do, you know, everything. Like chunneling, or mutton spooning. All they get is missionary. This position is perfectly fine, but if it’s all a person is getting, it eventually becomes unsatisfying. And an unsatisfying sex life can be just as frustrating as having no sex at all.
Meanwhile, the sex industry continues to report record profits. This financial success is built on the backs of the poorest Americans who are desperately looking for that basic human connection. Big Sex is making big bucks from people who just want love. There is no limit to their shamelessness.
The actual number of people who aren’t getting enough sex, or are under-sexed, is difficult to quantify. And that is part of the problem. We don’t know the full extent of this serious problem. The sex industry has a vested interest in keeping the numbers concealed. Government action is required, and required urgently.
It’s not until all of us are granted unfettered access to sex that America can truly fulfill its promise of equality for all people. That’s why it is imperative that our lawmakers work together for bipartisan sex reform. We’ve allowed this inequity to continue far too long, and inaction is no longer an option. Only the power of the government can take on Big Sex, and provide sex for all people. If one of us gets a BJ, we all get a BJ. No one should go without a French door. Principal’s offices for all!
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