June 25, 2008
I dream I am in a department store where Oprah Winfrey sees me perform some magic. She thinks I’m good and I immediately go to Chicago to be on her show. Once I get there, I drag Michael Jeffrey Cohen’s folder of Improv Olympic history through the dank subterranean swimming pool in which Chicago improvisers meet. I don’t talk to anybody, and I question my own motivations for being there. When I try to get out of the place, I have to climb up and find my way through a wrought iron sewer gate. I find Michael’s folder burdensome. Mary wonders why I don’t just ditch it. Magician Bob Sheets is looking for a spot card.

July 19, 2000
I dream I am driving Ozzie Davis to a resort in the mountains where he is to emcee a performance in the bedroom of a rich woman. The bed has been transformed into a pool filled with mechanical contrivances and many friends are performing there, including Michael Jeffrey Cohen. We support Michael because he appears in the nude and we admire his nerve. After the show, I run into a young woman with few teeth who claims to be Michael’s long lost mom. This seems unlikely and I plan to check on it later. When I offer Ozzie Davis a ride home he turns me down with a smirk. I realize later I called him Ernie instead of Ozzie. I had Ozzie Davis confused with Ernie Hudson.

October 15, 1998
I dream I am practicing my magic tricks on a snack tray. Gail asks me to perform the three card monte for her parents-that’s the con game in which you ask people to pick out the queen. When I begin to perform it, Gail’s parents transform into Michael Jeffrey Cohen, who also wants to play. When he tries, he picks out a hat filled with pudding.

 “Fred’s Dreams” appears every Wednesday.

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