We are reliably informed that our dogs do not love or even admire us and in any event we should not get too fond of them as they have the carbon footprint of a daily grilled cheese sandwich so we will shortly have to steam them up in a solar cooker anyhow. But this counts the costs without examining the benefit. Beyond the sentimental value of these Furbearing Americans they also do many jobs other Americans refuse and immigrants lack the communication skills for such as sniffing out bombs or pulling the Palin family sleigh. But you don’t have to be a narco officer, a professional musher or blind to benefit from canine participation in our lives. That includes our suave and over-burdened President.

You may recall that a mere six months and a half-dozen national surveys plus the veto threat from Sasha and Malia allowed Barack to negotiate with Michelle from a position of strength and arrive at the proper decision: to get himself a Portugese Water Dog, which is that breed that looks more than anything like a kid in a dog suit. Bo is his name and a fine Canine-American he must surely be as he demonstrates the great service to man dog always does. He goes first because his life and well-being are, compared to a human, trivial. Bo was no pound puppy, so the story goes, as swanky breeds rarely turn up at the pound in media-ready shape. He was an AKC certified resident of the Kennedy Kompound so his genetic and social credentials are impeccable but his origin is a bit misty, at least misty enough to quiet the sort of folks who would ordinarily decry the puppy industry and who otherwise are reliable supporters. Anyone who was paying attention to this fitful melodrama enjoys a great advantage, thanks to Bo, at comprehending the sometimes alarming decisions and pronouncements gurgling out now and again from the Obama Administration.

The Dog Decision; media oriented, crony-fueled, cynical, irresolute and dopily slow was not an example of how the new residents and toilers in the White House handle a light-hearted PR stunt. No, Bo’s fate was decided by the same practices, prejudices, polls and personnel as all the other decisions we have seen chewed up and puked out onto the national carpet over this tumultuous year. Afghanistan probably tracks the format most exactly. As with Bo, it is plain that Team Obama, if not the Obama family, had decided long before it was ever announced what the conclusion would be. All the falderol in the news… the most serious of news operations… was as vapid, diverting, mendacious and unquestioned in the Dog Decision as that which brings us today’s Afghan Surge. In each case the aim was to launch the predetermined result at a moment and under circumstances to produce the most beneficial media impact. Nothing more.

We can see the same Media First analysis at the root of nearly every misstep. When the Christmas Panty Bomber ignited what was it that caught Obama’s tongue for three days? Megajoules of electrons may be expended considering that question but can anyone doubt that a serious contribution was made by the simple fact that Christmas is a crappy news day? When Obama declares with thespian umbrage that “We want our money back!” from the banks, bailed or unbailed, or likewise makes a fervid declaration that, “As President, the buck stops… uh, with me.” is there anyone over the age of nine who does not understand that these phrases are cribbed from polling and focus groups? These are the cries of the Tea Partiers from last season; derided and dismissed for months as racist loonies until their slogans can be profitably restated and redirected. Basically Obama takes whatever verbiage is cropping up in criticism and says, “Yeah, damn straight!” as his head swivels in search of a target for his accusing finger. And god help you if that finger lands on you.

Well, Bo did his bit like that russian space dog, so it is probably unfair to ask that he do much more but this is our nation’s hour of need. What is needed most desperately is that a remedial course in reality be administered to our President, our Leader, our Friend and Commander in Chief on the double. We know that Obama’s upbringing, faith and career were somewhat unconventional so perhaps he never had the benefit of a course in Dog Studies. So we urge on Bo Obama a charge he was never trained or compensated for and never shall be but that is crucial never the less. I’m sure there isn’t a whole lot of traffic at his address but it is pressingly urgent that Bo begin chasing cars as often and as aggressively as he can. Given his PWD herding instincts this might not be too onerous a charge but please, Bo, chase those limos and SUVs. Chase the golf carts and howl and scrap. Chase the Presidential chopper if you can get near it. We can only hope that however uninterested the President may be, however certain he is in his decisions that he will, through repeated exposure learn what happens when the dog catches the bus.

Which as most of us already know, is not much.

And not pretty.

 

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