Golfing buddies

Golfing buddies

Posted on January 7th, 2010 by Colin Cohen

Dramatis Personae
Barack Obama, President of the United States
Dick Cheney, Former Vice-President of the United States

OBAMA: Dick, you’ve been really tough on me of late.

CHENEY: Oh, that’s just politics, as Tip O’Neill told Reagan. It’s nothing personal — I just have to throw some red meat at the yahoos now and then.

OBAMA: So, you don’t dislike my foreign policy?

CHENEY: Dislike? Why, you’ve continued the endless, borderless wars, bombed innocent men, women, and children, and at the same time have somehow completely muzzled the anti-war movement. I love you.

OBAMA: I like you, too. I’ve really enjoyed our secret golfing outings. I’m finally beginning to appreciate hitting those little balls into holes, over and over and over again.

CHENEY: Kinda like hitting Muslims — only they’re white. He-he-he.

OBAMA: That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. You don’t think this underwear bomber is blowback for all our recent raids?

CHENEY: Blowback? Where’d you learn that word? Have you been speaking to Ron Paul?

OBAMA: Actually, it was the CIA.

CHENEY: Even worse. I’ll get you into contact with my friends at Haliburton — they’ll give you the real scoop about these Islamists and what has to be done with them.

OBAMA: All-righty.

CHENEY: You and I, Barry, we’re lucky. Having no firsthand knowledge of war, we can completely separate ourselves from the carnage and the human misery associated with it. We can treat these wars like a video game. Speaking of which, how you doing with Gears of War?

OBAMA: Still stuck on the first level.

CHENEY: Don’t worry — after eight years, you’ll be a pro just like me. In fact, the guys at Epic have to make special levels just for me.

OBAMA: Well, I gotta run. We’re just about to bomb some village or whatnot.

CHENEY: That’s my boy.

OBAMA: Are we still on for golf this Tuesday?

CHENEY: Why not? It’s not like I’ve got anything better to do. Hell, Junior won’t even return my calls anymore.

OBAMA: Maybe one day we could play out in the open, at your club.

CHENEY: Absolutely. As soon as they let coloreds in, you’ll be the first one I invite. We could even go shooting afterward.