The past year has given women proof for their argument that men are idiots*. 2009 might appropriately be called the year of the Homer Simpson D’oh! Although we said goodbye to eight long years of George W. Bush’s antics, plenty of men are vying to take his place as the knucklehead of the year. (Listen, I know women aren’t perfect. But when do we read stories of women acting like fools? That’s right, never. That’s probably because women are not acting like fools.) Let’s recap some of the men who unraveled in 2009 and the lessons it taught women.

Although the story of John Edwards’ affair with Rielle Hunter leaked in 2008, details about the affair came spilling out in 2009. It’s been rumored that he — d’oh! — is the father of her baby, now almost two years old. During 2009, the former presidential candidate and golden boy became the newest political pariah. Elizabeth Edwards did the talk show circuit following the release of her book, Resilience. As far as I could tell from her television appearances, Mrs. Edwards is an intelligent woman and a devoted wife. Not only that, but she’s got a diagnosis of terminal cancer. It’s one thing to be a philandering husband, but to be one while your wife has cancer is really low. Lesson learned: even if you are on your deathbed, you still cannot expect your husband to stay out of another woman’s bed.

South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford held a press conference to tell the world about his “soul mate”, who — d’oh! — was not his wife. While Governor Sanford was writing emails about his Argentinian girlfriend’s tan lines in the faded glow of the night’s light, Mrs. Sanford was busy taking care of his four sons. Lesson learned: if your husband tells you he’s going to “hike the Appalachian trail“, run like hell.

How could we leave out everyone’s favorite mess, Jon Gosselin, of Jon and Kate Plus Eight fame? If you’ve read my previous posts, you know I am not a fan of Mr. Gosselin. Kate has been accused of being a bitch, but when you have eight kids, you have to run a tight ship. If your husband can’t be first mate, then he’s got to get in line with the rest of the crew. Or he can go spend some time with a — d’oh! — twenty-two year old “friend”. Lesson learned: if the guy you are dating is a moron, then do not marry him. And certainly do not have eight children with him.

It’s been about a month since Tiger Woods got his ass kicked by his wife (allegedly) in fit of jealous rage. And now the number of skanks who have slept with Tiger is nearing — d’oh! — three hundred (unofficially). Have you seen Elin Woods? She is perfect. Lesson learned: if a man will cheat on a hot Swedish model/nanny, there really is no hope for any of us.

I’m sure there are plenty of men out there who are great, and faithful, husbands. However, 2009 is not doing much for their cause. It appears that most men these days are egotistical, two-timing, sex addicts. Turn on VH1, because we’re going to be watching a lot of Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew in 2010.

Happy New Year, knuckleheads. You’ve taught women a great deal this year.

*My husband is one lucky man.

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