In this era of massive federal spending and even larger deficits no revenue-generating option can be taken off the table. And none can have any greater potential than taxing that nefarious scoundrel named Kris Kringle, alias Santa Claus. Quite fortunately, a myriad of upcoming legislation will enable us to do just that and much more.

In his enclave far off in the North Pole, Mr. Kringle’s operation has always eluded the jurisdiction of federal authorities. But when the Stop Tax Haven Abuse Act becomes law, we will likely be able to treat his concern as a domestic entity, and thus be able to tax and regulate it just as we do any other company.

Where will we begin?

Well, President Obama — in his 2010 budget — has proposed severely limiting the deductibility of charitable contributions. Just think — Santa won’t be able to claim those gifts he gives as deductions at their full value. And as he gives hundreds of millions of these gifts every year, his tax liability could be enormous. Of course, Santa (and other individuals) will be forced to give less. But who cares? Fairness is all that matters.

Next, like other small businesses, the new health care reform legislation will tax Santa’s enterprise so that the state can provide his elves with quality government health care. And if production is delayed while the elves wait in lines for their doctor appointments, then Christmas will just have to be delayed.

Additionally, when card check passes, we will also unionize those elves, including that pesky individualist who insists on being a dentist.

If you are environmentally conscious, you probably have wondered just how much carbon Santa emits when he crisscrosses the nation. The government should wonder, too — and have the good folks at the Hadley Climatic Research Unit objectively determine his carbon footprint, which we can tax through the upcoming cap and trade legislation. Furthermore, the EPA should commission a study to determine whether Rudolph’s bright nose contains any potentially harmful substances. And until the study is completed, we should force Santa to replace Rudolph with fluorescent bulbs, much the way we are forcing ordinary Americans to replace their incandescent lighting.

Finally, if Santa persists in delivering gifts only to those who celebrate Christmas, we will have no choice but to charge him with a federal hate crime. Which will be minor in comparison to all the civil suits filed against him.

Many years ago, a little girl named Virginia famously asked, “Is there a Santa Claus?” Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. But after the federal government gets through with him, he’ll surely wish that there weren’t.

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