Many unprogressives stubbornly insist that the health care reform legislation making its way through Congress will do little or nothing to provide coverage for the estimated 46 million people in America without health insurance. But these deniers and haters have simply failed to recognize the mechanism that will surely provide coverage for all; that is, the provision that will mandate, under penalty of law, that all individuals purchase insurance.

For those who are poor, the spiffily titled The Affordable Health Care for America Act passed in the House of Representatives will provide insurance free of charge. And well it should. After all, a compassionate society must take care of those who live off others and contribute nothing.

For those middle-class individuals with incomes above the federal poverty level, though, the bill will require the payment of health insurance premiums ranging from 1.5% to 12% of their adjusted gross income. But what if these individuals — in this era of tight budgets, even among relatively high earners — cannot afford these payments?

This is where the fun begins, as the bill will force payment from these deadbeats — those who, instead of becoming wards of the state, have stupidly tried to earn their keep — by threatening them with a 2.5% penalty tax — a tax, by the way, that won’t provide them with any insurance in return whatsoever.

But if these people can’t afford the premiums, how can they afford the tax?

No problem. The government will then provide them with a special form of health coverage — the kind of coverage reserved for those who can’t pay their taxes — coverage provided through the federal prison system — coverage that is free of charge and includes all sorts of extras, such as repairing the odd anal tear.

By putting all these people in prison we can make the rolls of the uninsured disappear overnight. Literally. Furthermore, as an added bonus, we won’t have to listen to anymore sob stories on MSNBC.

Of course, housing the millions of newly insured will require a large increase in the number of prisons. But that’s just the type of shovel-ready project for which the federal stimulus bill was enacted. In fact, members of Congress are already doing lots of shoveling in preparation.

And just think of all the new jobs created from this boom in construction, and how the GDP, which includes government spending as a component, will swell — just in time for the next election, an election whose turnout should be markedly lower than ever before.

So, next time you hear a hater talk disparagingly about the wonder that is ObamaCare, just smile knowingly. For, with any luck, it may be the last time you’ll have to see him or her for a long time.

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