Black Friday officially commences the beginning of the holiday season. In other words, I have to get my ass in gear and start buying presents. Buying gifts for my relatives is no small feat. Almost every holiday that I spend with my in-laws, someone inevitably starts an argument about the quality and thoughtfulness of a gift. I really love my in-laws, but squabbling over presents on Christmas doesn’t exactly put one in the holiday spirit.

Not only do I have to worry about which in-law is going to burst into tears this Christmas, I am now faced with another important purchasing decision. It is the question every mother must answer at some point in her life. This question could possibly alter the course of her child’s life and therefore must be taken very seriously.

Do I buy my son a kitchen set?

Upon surveying my family and friends for this ever-important question, I got about a 50% “yes” response. However, when asking this question, one thing was abundantly clear: this kind of purchase is a slippery slope. Buying a kitchen set for your son is one small step away from buying him a Barbie. And if you go anywhere near Barbie, you are going to be slapped by the bad mommy police for confusing your child over his sexual orientation. Or worse, your child might wind up on a Barbara Walters special on transgendered children. Not that I have a problem with this per se, but it might pose a problem when trying to gain acceptance into the “right” preschool. I’m already stressing enough over preschool admission as it is.

Back to the kitchen set. We’ve come a long way since believing that a woman’s place is in the kitchen, but conventional wisdom still holds that boys are supposed to play with dump trucks, footballs, and blocks. I’m not really one for holding tightly to conventional wisdom, though. Therefore, I decided to start my holiday shopping on Black Friday by taking my son to check out the kitchen sets at the toy store. The kitchen sets are located — no surprise — right behind the Barbie aisle. I got a few skewed glances from the mom police wondering why the hell I was lurking in the Barbie aisle with my son. Listen, mommy police, there is nothing to see here! Can’t a mother just check out the Barbie dolls with her son? I’m showing him what a “real woman” looks like, ok? Stop trying to call Barbara Walters!

I eventually pulled myself away from the Barbie aisle and found the kitchens. Being the great mother that I am, I decided to go for the cheapest set available. It was to my great horror, then, when I realized that the only ones left (in the cheap category, of course) following the Black Friday 5:00 A.M. frenzy… were pink.

A pink kitchen set?

I might as well sign him up for ballet.

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