September 27, 2009
I dream I am visiting Paris with Gail and we wind up in the famous strip joint/variety venue, The Crazy Horse. I am hoping there is a magician performing there, and Gail speaks just enough French to determine that the current show has an 80 second magic act. There is not enough magic to justify the admission price, so we go to the race track instead. We purchase tickets, but we are turned away because our tickets are exploitative. The price is too high and there are various discounts that we don’t know about. While we try to sort this out, some poor fellow is shown committing adultery on the Jumbotron.

September 13, 2009
I dream I am on vacation with Gail in the downstairs apartment of actress Camryn Manheim. I appreciate the accommodations, but the place is grungy. The front door doesn’t even close. It is our last day and I would like to do something fun. I offer to rent a car and go to an amusement park or the Magic Castle. Instead, we wind up walking around a treacherous noir Los Angeles filled with pimps, private dicks, and ne’er-do-wells.

January 12, 2009
I dream world famous magician, Juan Tamariz, is kind enough to let me, Gail, Deborah, and Eric use his underwater vacation cavern. It is a beautiful suite in the Spanish underwater woods. As we explore the caverns one of Tamariz’s nieces, maybe nine years old, is amused that I am upset by the large, plump eels. Soon, we get a phone call from Tamariz’s relatives, one of whom is upset because Tamariz, who will be back on Saturday, is threatening to purchase a helmet. “What kind of person wears a helmet?” she wants to know. “Do people in America wear helmets?” I assure her they have nothing to worry about.

Fred’s Dreams is published every Wednesday.

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