Last night’s Big Brother was shocking, NOT because of the following reasons:

1) Russell is a psycho-path and Lydia’s a big fat baby — Russell basically screamed at Lydia for no reason at all last night. That’s because he’s on steroids. But that’s no excuse for Lydia to break down into tears every time someone looks at her the wrong way. Even though you have 100 tattoos, most of which are of characters from Paul Frank and Hello Kitty, you are not tough at all. Grow a set or go home, you’re annoying everyone in America.

2) Ronnie can’t count — Did he really go over $100 worth of quarters by over $500? Isn’t he on the brains team? And I genuinely believe that he did not throw the competition. Maybe if it was a video game he would’ve done better. By the way, that was the best veto competition ever… change and Coinstars are my favorite!

3) Jeff got hot — Is it me, or did Jeff get better looking this week, accent aside? Maybe it’s because no one in the house, guy or girl, is remotely attractive, maybe it was the sunburn, or maybe it was the golden POV around his neck, but Jeff got hot.

4) Ronnie isn’t just a rat — He’s a rat for not back-dooring Russell, but he’s also a piggy. He got $1.25 caught in his “slot” during the POV competition. L.O.F.L.

Last night’s Big Bro was shocking for one reason and one reason only: Jordan is mentally retarded. She does not know what “a quarter to” or “a quarter after” means when telling time. My 4-year old nephew Justin, who puts buckets on his head and walks into walls (it’s OK he’s good at sports), knows what that means. Jordan, it’s about a quarter after “you have no brain” and just about a quarter to “go home because you’re so dumb”.

But chances are Laura and her ginormous boobs are leaving us next week…

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