Even though I am a parent, I try to avoid parenting advice. When I was pregnant, reading What to Expect When You’re Expecting made me too nervous, so I stopped before I got to the third month. After that, I found parenting information in books and magazines to be overwhelming, so I made it a policy not to read them, and stuck to studying more informative publications like Us Weekly. Given my dislike for all parenting rules, I’ve uncharacteristically taken to reading the New York Times blog called “Motherlode“. Surprisingly, it sparks some good conversation among readers about motherhood.

I normally wouldn’t get too hot and bothered about a blog on parenting, but a recent post had me so incensed that I had to comment. The post mentions a research study that was done by the Australian Institute of Family Studies. The study compares breastfed infants to formula-fed infants by quantifying the amount of time spent in certain activities. Here’s an example: breastfed infants spent significantly more time being cuddled during the day (32 minutes more) and being read, talked or sung to (27 minutes more). However, breastfed infants cried five minutes more per day than formula-fed infants. Five minutes, twenty-seven minutes, thirty-two minutes…am I the only one who thinks this study is ridiculous? This is exactly why I hate parenting advice!

I can’t criticize this study only. There seems to be dozens of studies that have made their way into the mainstream media, with basically the same message for parents: you’re doing it the wrong way. Particularly in the area of feeding. The benefits of breastfeeding have been well documented by the American Academy of Pediatrics. But I’ve been buying formula since day one and my son is completely healthy (and has never had a sniffle, let alone a cold, thank you very much). The list goes on – television is distracting, vaccines are questionable, even playgrounds are hazardous.

In my opinion, most of these studies do more harm than good. They confuse us, make us feel guilty, or scare us into believing that, since they’re “scientific”, they must be correct. I’m sure if we took a closer look, we might find some of the data misleading. Unfortunately, nobody seems to investigate – all we do is get the headline. Formula weakens your child’s immune system! Watching television gives your child ADHD! And now, you’ve cuddled your child for 32 minutes less per day than your neighbor. Shame on you!

Certainly, some research is useful and has saved lives. But is a study quantifying the amount of “cuddle time” really helping anyone? Do I really need to know that some mothers spend 27 more minutes than I do reading to their children daily? Should I worry that my kid will be socially backwards if I hold him for 32 minutes less than the next child?

I guess I could stop reading and watching the news in an effort to disregard this “advice”, but honestly, that’s not realistic. Reading and watching television are part of our everyday lives. It is how we stay connected, informed and educated. Despite our best efforts, this information is hard to ignore.

As parents, all we have to do is make sure that our children are as physically and mentally healthy as they can be. We should do it in a way that makes intuitive sense to us, not because it’s what the latest research suggests. If I buy formula, so be it. And I can’t hold a stopwatch timing how long I read to my child. As for the New York Times and “Motherlode“? I’ll continue reading it despite my hesitation. But as for the research studies? Keep them in their appropriate place: way down in the basement stacks of the medical library, where nobody can find them.

Tweet  Print This Post

Tags: diatribes, family & parenting // 1 Comment »