If Dick Cheney had his way, Nelson Mandela might still be in prison. This sounds like the sort of wild exaggeration Keith Olbermann-types use to show their opposition to all things Republican. It is not. As a congressman, Cheney voted against a resolution calling for South Africa to free Mandela (who, at the time of the 1985 vote, had been imprisoned for 23 years of his eventual 27 year sentence). Cheney has backed away from some votes over the years — notably, he now says he would support the Head Start program, having rethought his opposition to feeding poor children — but he stands by this one. This is not to say Mandela would definitely be in jail to this day, as Cheney conceded Mandela has “mellowed” in recent times, suggesting that he could have eventually been paroled and perhaps one day even released entirely on his own recognizance.

Movies are filled with characters like No Country for Old Men’s Anton Chigurh, who are amoral without apology. They’re more rare in real-life, which is why we should treasure every moment Dick Cheney remains on the national stage. He’s not so much a bad guy as a man fascinatingly devoid of redeeming characteristics (I say this in a non-judgmental way: it’s a simple statement of fact). He’s been blessed with a remarkable capacity for ruthlessly amassing power that somehow morphs into gross incompetence when it comes time for him to exercise it. In our lifetimes we may never again encounter a man so prone to failure, yet with such a knack for willing himself into position for exciting new failings.

Take his much trumpeted experience in the private sector. As Halliburton’s CEO — a job he walked into after decades in Washington — his greatest “accomplishment” was purchasing a company that eventually cost them four billion in asbestos lawsuits. Don’t worry about Halliburton though, as things picked up once that idiot Cheney returned to Washington. Yes, they made up for any Cheney-inflicted losses when the government funneled them billions in no-bid contracts following the Iraq invasion. And don’t worry about Cheney either. Thanks in part to the questionable way he divested his ties to the private sector while in office, Cheney’s net worth may be $50 million, proving it’s possible to make money even if you get involved with companies that would let themselves be run by jagoffs like that Cheney guy.

Apparently having decided he did enough damage to the corporate world last go-round, in retirement Cheney has focused his attention on torture, which he supports because it makes people talk. He is correct in this assertion. I’ve read a great deal about Stalin’s secret police, and they did indeed always get people speaking; they just didn’t necessarily make them tell the truth. They frequently induced false confessions and indictments of innocent people, which was fine because those folks were enemies of the state whom Stalin was itching to eliminate (Stalin viewed pretty much everyone as an enemy of the state, including eventually some of his children). In terms of producing actionable intelligence, torture was less of a triumph. Indeed, John McCain succinctly expressed its shortcomings by recalling how when the Vietnamese tortured him and said they would continue to do so unless he revealed the members of his squadron, he gave in and told them the names of the members of the Green Bay Packers offensive line, at which point these apparent non-NFL watchers let him be for a bit. (It should be noted that Cheney might bring an expertise McCain lacks to this issue, as McCain is just a one-time POW while Cheney was a five-time recipient of draft deferments.)

It was clear from the beginning Cheney would be a special leader when he became the Republican vice presidential candidate by picking himself. Seriously. Cheney headed Bush’s search committee in 2000 and decided the best option was…er, him. (Hey, what stronger running mate is there than a guy with severe health problems from Wyoming who fought to keep Mandela behind bars?) Yet who could have predicted the heights his specialness would attain? This is the man who spent many of his years in the White House periodically emerging from his bunker to offer public assertions that inevitably turned out to be totally wrong, in particular with his insistence Iraq had weapons of mass destruction, strong ties to Al Qaeda, and played an essential role in 9/11 (the Hussein hat trick).

Based on the evidence, Cheney is a moron or a liar or both.

And he still dominates the national debate.

For this he deserves our complete respect. Anyone can play in the big leagues when they’re hitting .400, but it takes a special player to stick around when they’re batting zero. This is the wonder of Dick Cheney, the man who whiffs on every pitch and boots every ground ball, yet still seems always to be at the plate.

 

Man of the Moment appears each Wednesday.

 

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