Earlier this year, when the pop signer Rihanna, was beaten, allegedly by her 19 year old boyfriend, the subject of teenage dating abuse was discussed in the mainstream media, perhaps for the first time.  As brutal and shocking as the attack on the singer was, what horrified me even more was the reaction that young people — particularly girls — in this country had towards it.

A ninth grade girl later interviewed by the New York Times summed up this reaction saying: “she probably made him mad for him to react like that”.

Why do some young girls have such a shocking lack of self respect that they actually believe that they must be to blame for this type of attack?

The sad reality is that the beating of a young woman by her boyfriend is such a normal and acceptable part of so many young people’s lives today that they have become de-sensitized to it.

From a survey conducted by Teenage Research Unlimited:

1 in 3 teens report knowing a friend of peer who has been hit, punched, kicked or slapped by a dating partner.

45% of teenage girls know a friend who has been pressured into either intercourse or oral sex.  In fact last year over a third of all reported date rape victims were aged between 14 and 17.

On one hand, we are teaching our children that girls and boys are equal, that girls can be and do anything that a boy can. However, turn on any music video; watch any teen TV show or look at any magazine cover at a supermarket check out and you will get a different picture.  Women are more often than not represented as, at best, a supporting character, and at worst a sexual object.

The conflicting messages can be complicated enough for adults to process, but research indicates that for young girls these mixed messages can make it difficult for them to really know who they are.  If all girls are seeing are images that are so unattainable then it inevitably causes a drop in self confidence and self esteem. If most of the images they see of women are sexual or in subservient roles it can only have a negative influence on they way they see themselves.

And of course, the same goes for the way boys view women after seeing these images.   

No doubt a lot of the blame lies with the media, but the responsibility in the end should lie with parents.  81% of parents admit that they do not believe or do not know if teen dating violence is a problem and only 25% of teens report that they have discussed it with their parents.  Clearly parents (and schools) are unaware of just how widespread and serious the problem is.

Not surprisingly it is not a problem that just goes away; violent and abusive relationships in adolescence can have a serious effect on the victim for years to come.  Many will go on to be abused in adult relationships, and they are at a higher risk of substance abuse, eating disorders and even suicide. 

More than 1,000 women in this country are killed by their husband or partner every year.  The FBI estimates that a woman is beaten every 15 seconds.  We owe it to the next generation of women to stop this violence now.  It’s time parents and schools started taking the subject seriously and started talking to children — both boys and girls — about it before it’s too late.

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