Dear Ruby,

This girl I asked out a couple of months ago — who turned me down — lavishly praised my latest creative effort on my blog. Why do people continue to show interest in someone they rejected? Is it because they want the attention or is it just a compliment and I should forget about it?

Getting Mixed Signals

Dear Mix,
Wouldn’t it be great to say that it’s just some of that niceness that’s been going around lately?

But, like everything, the real story is probably crappier.

There’s one positive possibility, but it’s kind of unlikely — that she’s available now and feeling you out to see if you’re still interested. A big maybe, and anyway, you’re gonna need a better hint than this.

The second scenario isn’t heinously crappy, but it’s not good news. She feels guilty. She hurt your feelings and to make herself feel better, she’s offering you the digital version of a hug. Awwww.

Things get worse. As you seem to suspect, it may be just about the attention. She liked being sought after and is trying to give you just enough hope that you’ll sought after her again, in which case she’ll reject you again and follow it up with more tender missals. Dude, you’re in a catch-and-release program, otherwise known as being jerked around.

The antidote for all three of these conditions is the same: indifference. Big, fat, lolling, butt-scratching, scab-picking disinterest. John Malkovich-level ennui. If you must respond, keep it to, “Thanks for your comment [name here]. Your feedback is important to me. Please report any broken links to the Webmaster.” Don’t bite, no matter what. Whatever lame feeling she’s having will either go away or require actual communication, and my money’s on the going away.

It’s possible she’s complimenting you out of pure sweetness, Mix, but I think if she was really, genuinely nice she would either tell you she’s available or slink away and leave you alone.

You there! Stop slinking and ask Ruby a question.

Advice for the Rest of us appears every Friday with bells on.

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