Dear Ruby,
At work, I often bring treats and snacks to share. I always offer some to “Joan” who works next to me in the cubicles. She never takes even one bite of what I offer her, not even to be polite. When should I stop offering my treats to her?
“Jackie”

Dear “Jackie,”
Never, ever stop. Joan-in-quotes needs your patience, your understanding, and she will come to love your butterscotch chip banana bars.

Just kidding! Stop now, please! Give us all a freaking break — the rest of us only take your nasty food so you’ll leave us alone. And don’t wear nylons anymore with open-toed sandals.
“Ruby”

Dear Ruby,
I am a Southern gentleman who was raised to honor ladies. When I was holding a door for a lady the other day she cursed me out then it happened again at the same place. Why don’t ladies like to be treated with chivalry and honor anymore.
Puzzled in Birmingham

Dear Chuck,
Stop hanging around outside the lesbian bar looking for trouble, you weirdo. Also, use better punctuation.
Ruby

Dear Ruby,
I just saw the dress my mother-in-law-to-be has picked to wear to my wedding and it is absolutely hideous. Like, sequins and everything. What on earth am I going to do?
Nervous bride

Dear Nervy,
Who gives a shit? Don’t you read the paper? What are you, stupid?
Ruby

Now that that’s out of her system, Ruby will have more time for you and your infinitely more palatable problems. Lay it on her.

 

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