August 19, 2008
I dream I get mixed up with Eastern European rugby players, but the game they’re playing is not rugby. It involves whacking pieces of plastic with brooms. I find myself involved, not only with their sport, but with walking their mascots, one of which is mangled by a ferocious weasel owned by one of my foolish teammates. The old people who control the sport are furious.

July 8, 1998
I dream I enter my stuffed animal in a beauty contest held at a local race track. Two of my friends enter with me and we agree, for the purpose of making a political statement, to obtain heroin and inject the stuffed animals just prior to the contest. I wind up sitting at a table eating pastries with the judge. My stuffed animal has been eliminated, but she is choosing between my friends’ stuffed animals. She never chooses a winner.

February 2, 1994
I dream I am at a small, indoor party playing Frisbee. A young man enters wearing almost the same shirt I am wearing except that he has vertical stripes and I have horizontal. So I say to him, “Boy, what a stupid-looking shirt!” The guy doesn’t get my joke. Suddenly, Gail sees him and it turns out that she knows him very well and would like very much to talk to him alone. Jokingly, she begins to push me out of the room with exaggerated bravado, and I am hurt. I start to leave, but she says “No, no, no, no… you don’t have to leave.” But I leave anyway.

Fred’s Dreams is published every Wednesday.

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