Dear Ruby,
I am interested in volunteering, but I have a problem. I am too shy. The idea of walking into a soup kitchen or a hospital and offering help is embarrassing to me. When I mentioned this to a friend, she said, “Stop being shy! Just get out there and help people!” I felt bad about it.

I’m honestly not lazy, I’m just not a joiner. I can’t even go to church because I hate all the ‘fellowship’ stuff. But, I genuinely want to contribute to a worthy cause. Any ideas?

Shy in Milwaukee

Dear Shy in Milwaukee,
First of all, the proper response to your friend is, “Stop being an insensitive dink.” And then see whether that works. Probably not.

You are not alone, Shy Guy. It’s impossible to tell how many humans fall into the non-joiner category (because you can’t get them all into one room), but trust me, they’re out there. Tell your friend that there are good reasons for shyness — including evolution. Perhaps your shy ancestors were the ones who decided to stay home instead of visiting that new tribe in the next village — the new tribe with all the shiny machetes. Or, maybe your ancestors decided to skip church on “Bless your Buboes” day. For the most part, being shy and retiring keeps you out of all kinds of trouble.

But, there’s a tradeoff. It’s important to realize that anxiety, including social anxiety, can worsen over time and cause real problems for you. If it’s interfering with your work, preventing you from seeking help for personal issues, turning into a phobia, or if you’re very lonely and unhappy, then it’s no longer functional and you need to seek help somehow.

But, in your case, if you just don’t want to subject yourself to needlessly uncomfortable situations, then don’t. There are a surprising amount of volunteer opportunities for shy folks — for one, try the Virtual Projects section of SmartVolunteer.org, where there’s a long list of ways you can donate your skills from your home, usually involving a computer.

If you think you might want a more hands-on project, think about what you’re willing to put up with and how much structure you’re willing to abide. Some shy people find it easier to work with kids or animals — though you will probably still have to deal with an adult administrative component, and maybe attend meetings or training. Public libraries often depend heavily on volunteers and would undoubtedly find you a quiet place in the stacks. A sneaky way might be to take a part-time job for an organization you admire and then donate your paycheck, even anonymously. It goes without saying that shy people (otherwise known as Anonymous Donors) keep the wheels of philanthrophy greased, rotated, inflated, and rolling.

Good luck, Shy Guy. And a shout-out to all the clubs and congregations and associations out there — have you given any careful thought to how your more introverted brethren can contribute to your good work? Why the hell not?

Got all the answers? Yeah, right. Ask Ruby.

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