Dear Ruby,
After a pretty decent first 11 years of marriage, we are now paycheck-to-paycheck due to the rising cost of everything and a couple of unforeseen emergencies, one with a car and one with a relative. We took a big hit in our 401ks, we’re overmortgaged, and our kids are in private schools.

We cut up our credit cards, we’re going to go down to one car, and we may even take in a roommate, so we’re not panicking yet. But I am completely stressed! I am completely mad that we can’t go to any of our favorite restaurants and have to say no when the kids want to go to a movie! I feel like I’m in a cage going slowly crazy, and here’s what my husband says when I’m at the end of my rope, “Sex is free.” Should I kill him?

Regards,
Jacqueline

Dear Jacqueline,

Are you well-insured and can you make it look like an accident?

No, you should not kill him. And brace yourself, he’s right.
 
As you may have noticed, men are different when it comes to sex. I’m pretty sure that most men could have fairly okay sex while they are actively having their collarbone broken. They just can. In the moment, they don’t care if they’re sick or rich or awake or on fire, they just can. It is their way.

And, although it’s technically free, sex does have costs for women. It will take major mental and emotional effort for you, stuck as you are in the school-age doldrums when the kids might not only be awake when you do it, but might actually know what you’re doing and mentally scoring you and/or taking notes for their future therapists.

You’re also stuck in a major state of stress, which works like a tranquilizer dart on women’s sex drives (Different from men’s. See above.) And you’re also feeling crabby and constrained and maybe even — let’s face it — resentful toward Prince Charming for not doing a better job of taxing peasants or whatever he should have done to keep you living happily ever after.

But, it will be worth it because sex is more than free. It releases endorphins, it cements your relationship bonds, which are probably feeling a little swampy lately. It relieves stress and it’s a good way to channel your aggression (I was only kidding about the collarbone, unless you’re into that.). And, hey, it burns calories.

You’ll get through this. Some free sex might just help. A bottle of good, cheap wine (optional). A secure lock on the bedroom door (mandatory). Loud enough music. It don’t cost a thang.

Trying to make do (or make whoopee) with less? Tell Ruby about it.

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